I didn't think you would, luv. This thread was just starting to look like the scene from Frankenstein when the villagers come to the castle doors with pitchforks and flaming torches in hand. I’m glad you are taking the high road. This is going to earn you respect in the eye’s of the parents, even though you may not want it. It may also earn you an opportunity. There may come a point when one of those parents comes to you for your opinion on the situation. That will be your moment to shine and do some good for this family. If it comes, remember to focus on the positive. It’s always a wining move.
hey i actually don't blame the parents. They were raised up and taught that it was wrong to be homosexual, and they thought they raised their child to be better than that. I mean if that happened to me, i would probably react the same. I would still love my child and i would apologize later on for exploding, but it would really upset me. Not just the fact that my child was homosexual, which was wrong, but also hiding it from me. I would be upset because i would feel as if i had failed as a parent, i would feel my child wasn't the person i knew, i would hate the fact i was being lied to, and i would just on a faith level i would feel as if God betrayed me or satan was playing a hand in it. I would have so many emotions flying around i would be very upset. I would probably yell, and i would probably need time to think. From your friend's point of view, this is something she has accepted, she has lived with, and she has logically thought her parents would just accept it right away as she has come to accept over her lifetime. It doesn't happen that fast. People don't take to such news with a smile and a hug. Not when it's something this bad. Maybe they should, but they don't.
Being homosexual isn't "bad". It isn't a choice either. It's who they are...PERIOD. My brother in law was gay. His family accepted it with no problems at all, AND THEY ARE CATHOLIC! If one, or both of my children are gay, I will accept them with open and loving arms. It's your job as a parent to accept your child no matter what or who they are. This is where I will stop, because it can and will get ugly. Mods, I suggest some look into this thread before WWIII breaks out.
Just like in the world right now, only 2 states (?)have allowed gay marriages, Massachusetts and California. Gays and lesbians are looked down upon in society and most of our parents were probably raised to be "straight", therefore, hating gays and lesbians. Which really stinks you know? Freedom of speech etc. and no Freedom To Be Who You Are. Then there's also Freedom Of Thought! That's why we're not robots and we're human, it's because we can think.
I don't understand why homosexual marriages are allowed in only two states. How can a person control who they fall in love with? This is society preventing people from being who they are.
It has to do with our division of law at the federal and state levels. Our federal law dictates that if a marriage is recognized as legal in one state, then it must be recognized by all the states. Thus if one state does it, effectively, the whole country has done it. This is what caused the Defense of Marriage act at the federal level. What I think is awesome, really, is that the people of the United States are showing, by defying federal law at the state level, that they want change! It is a truly radical action.
I agree with Maxie Boi. I never minded lying to my parents because my mom had been lying to me since birth. tit for tat.
I think it is unfortunate that your mate's parents reacted so callusly. I just wanted t throw in that PFLAG might help, or even the parents of your circle who have come to accept their gay and lesbian children, they might provide a very helpful insight that could be the catylist to change the situation. And if her parents don't come around, it's already clear that she has a support system.
No wonder the world's screwed up. That's the weak way out. If she had any sort of feelings for her family this is going to destroy them. Nothing gets fixed. It will drive a wedge between her and her parents that will last for the rest of her life even if the parents never found out. Her parents will wonder why they can't be close to their daughter, while she will always have feelings of resentment towards them. A parent can still love a child that lives a lifestyle they believe to be wrong, but this course of action will destroy love itself, not just happiness. If there's no love there in the first place that's like taking a barren desert that could grow crops if it only had water and nuking it, forever rendering it unusable to anyone.
The truth? You can't handle the truth! Unfortunately, that line is all too true sometimes. Chances are, the ones it is being said to are fully aware that it's a comfortable lie. But that may be the only middle ground sometimes, when neither person can or will budge from their situation. It's not ideal, but it can be a workable compromise.
Lying to each other is no compromise. Lying will only create resentment and it will cause loved ones to stop trusting each other. You have to be honest with your loved ones, even if its about something that they won't like. If they really can't handle the truth, then its probably better for everyone involved to simply cut them out of you life.
But is sometimes the only option one has. My friend told her parents she was a lesbian, and for months they wouldn't let her do things, or would but leave jabbing remarks about it. Should a loved one do that? Her life was such a living hell that she had gotten anti-depressants to deal with it, to deal with the hate her parents gave her. So, to escape that hate, she did the one thing that would lessen it, she lied. Sometimes it is the only option one has, and parents who act like that have already created that resentment leading to no love, the lie just makes it a desert after a nuclear war, not during it.
There’s no way to say this without sounding completely condescending, so appy-poly-loggies in advance. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. This process is just that, a process. I went through hell with my parents, and when I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old, I thought it would be that way forever. It wasn’t. Time, learning, and education healed the rift. Now I have a completely open family who treats my William just like a husband. No different. When we all came to Puerto Rico, my parents sat down their family here and told them, “This is how it is. William is my son’s husband. You can like it or lump it. You can accept it, or get the hell out.” When I was eighteen, I would have sworn to god that such words would never come out of the mouths of my parents.
I understand that some people just believe what others tell them, and never really question what is actually important in life and what is not. Even when I still believed in God, I could never understand how anyone's lovelife should be my concern. Fortunately, all my religious friends are very open-minded and loving. They have no need to judge others. I've seen the same here as well, which is very nice. I'm also very happy to have met Wrey. Seriously. You are very tolerant of bigotry... well, not quite so. You understand this process and appreciate the small changes that happen all the time. You have already changed the way I see this world.
Try and keep this nice people! Didn't mean my rant to turn into a debate! I'm for gay marriage just to let people know. I don't see the diffrence between love in hetrosexual relationships and love in homosexual marragies. I have been to a homosexual marrage. My big cousin is a lesbian and she married her long term partner, beautiful wedding! *wipes tears away*
Sorry. I try to be less direct with my opinions from now on. I'm glad you've had so many wonderful experiences. *hugs* (And I truly hope your friend's parents accept this sooner rather than later.)
This is indeed a touchy subject in the States...it was even on the ballot in 2004 for individual states. To pitch in my two cents, I think that so much gets hung up in the terminology. Whenever someone says marriage and homosexual, everyone goes into defense mode. I come from a strong Christian background (Southern Baptist) and I am firm in the belief of a separation of church and state...as such, I believe that homosexual couples should be afforded the same state and federal benefits as a heterosexual couple. They are taxpayers just like the rest of us, and it is discrimination not to allow them the same rights when functioning in the same capacity as a heterosexual couple. I'll admit, I have always viewed marriage as between a man and a woman, and while I'm not 100% sure on the history of the word, it seems that a lot of attention is placed on that. But back to the point at hand; I am indeed sorry to hear about your friend. Tolerance and not judging others are some of the greatest core values i have gained from Christianity, and I don't think they should judge her...they should accept her for who she is. She is their daughter, end of story. (I know its easy for me to say this because I'm not yet a parent, but I have given thought to the subject) Lastly, and this may sound somewhat mean, but I don't really feel sorry for her parents cutting off her money for college. I have a ton of student loans because my parents never paid a penny of my tuition, and you won't hear me complain about it. I think the reason her parents did it is bs, but taking out loans and paying them back isn't going to "end her dreams". She still has ample opportunities and I honestly hope for the best for her through these tough times.
Also, please take into account, that this girl's parents were raised and probably tried to instill in their daughter, that homosexuality is a sin. It says that in the bible, which is their rule book. So, your friends parents may never accept her sexuality as okay, but if their faith is as strong as their beliefs, they can/will adopt the "hate the sin, love the sinner" mindset. Not necessarily agreeing with what their daughter is doing, but loving her all the same. While I don't believe that it's a sin, I have discovered that Jesus never made any comments on sexuality, but apostles like Paul did. Paul---100% human, living in a time where it was taboo. I have grown up with lesbian aunts and gay uncles, whom I love dearly, and so I've never had a problem with that. Actually, on Easter I was visiting my aunts, and I went to church with them. Gay church was great. Ha. Just my thoughts.
I see the "excuse" of not letting homosexual couples marry because it is a Christian sin a bit strange. Mainly because marriage no longer has all he Christian connotations of yester year. You don't have to get married in a Church; my parents are firm atheists and got married a few years ago with nothing Christian about the service. On the point of "coming out"; I have been told that my brother's coming out, to my dad at least, was a little different to the stereotypical series of events. My dad sort of had suspicions of his own, before my brother mentioned anything, and kept (with various amounts of subtlety) trying to talk to my brother about it. However my brother basically picked up on none of these very obvious hints and came out a while later with my dad just like "yes, I know!". Yay for accepting parents, who are more concerned with their son's lack of hint-taking than their sexuality.
