Should we smack children?

I think that while smacking kids may bring quicker results; part of that is down to fear and I truly believe that while a parent should be the main figure of authority in a child's life there are more ways to teach them right from wrong than instilling that fear factor that a beating is most likely to bring about. Beatings don't explain why what the child did was wrong, all they will know is that certain behaviour = beating, and that would frustrate me royally

 

I think it depends as much on the child as it does on the style of parent that you are. For example, if you take me and my sister....

My mum and dad both used to give me a gentle smack if I did something wrong, and it was always enough to deter me from doing it again and it was never excessive nor did it ever leave me too scared of them or anything.

My sister on the other hand didn't respond very well to that type of punishment and it would make her worse because she always liked the attention. My parents soon discovered that a much better method of punishment would be to send her to her room for an hour and tell her she had to stay there. They'd always tell her "I love you, but i'm not your friend right now." Or something to that effect, and given forty minutes she'd come downstairs crying with a fully written out apology and wouldn't do the same thing twice.

Now... if my parents had done that to me it wouldn't have worked because I like to be alone and as a child was happy to spend six hours at a time in my bedroom reading a good book.

My parents are divorced now and my dads girlfriend has five children, who have grown up with no discipline at all. They are 21 (m), 19 (m), 18 (f), 14 (m) and 13 (f). Three male and two female.

The eldest is in the army, and since enlisting has really grown up ALOT considering that when I first met him he was always taking money and stuff like that. The 19 year old earns more money a week than my dad does, yet is in more debt than anybody else I know and he doesn't pay his rent and stuff because he knows his mum will always bail him out.

The next one is alright to talk to but she's always out drinking and has done drugs a few times.

The next one was a real git when I first met him, but my dad has been quite firm with him and the improvement is remarkable. His grades have gone up at school because he comes in and does his homework before going out, and he comes in at a reasonable time. When his mum used to tell him to be in at 8 he'd come in at half 9 and she'd just ignore it whereas my dad would tell him he had to be in at half 6 the next night to learn the value of time, at this point if he didn't come in at half 6 then he wouldn't go out at all the next day - and it has worked.

He even helps cook meals and stuff and helps around the house.

The youngest is a spoilt brat and refuses to wear any clothes that aren't designer, steals money from her mums purse and has been caught smoking and drinking in the streets.

At 17, nearly 18, my parents know that i've never smoked, never stolen anything and I still ask for permission to go out with my friends and to drink with said friends if I want to. I still text my parents to let them know where I am and because I can be trusted I am allowed out later and I don't really need to ask for permission (even though I still do) because I know the answer is yes because my parents know i'm responsible enough not to drink or whatever if I shouldn't be.

So... in answer to the original question. Yes. I think children should be smacked if its what works for them and for the parents. I would most certainly prefer to see a child recieve a few smacks and grow up like I have done than turn out like my soon to be step siblings who are pretty much hopeless.

 

Beating is a whole nuther fish.
a smack is merely to get their attention so you can explain what they did wrong.
I have seen parents who say I would never hit a child. Pull them so hard by the arm I swear it would wrench it out of the socket. But no they didn't hit the child.
You have to explain why you did what you did. Then also explain why it was wrong what they did.
I used to put some dish soap on the boys teeth if they used language I didn't like.
One night a friend of our came over and was cursing. One of the boys got the dish soap put some on his finger and made the man open his mouth for the soap.
He did and said that if that was the punishment in the house he had to go along with it.
It was a great lesson for the boys. Adults are under rules as well as they were.
It is not always appropriate to explain what they did wrong at the time. So you have to figure out how and when to explain. on the spot is best but not always appropriate.

 

I was a very hyper kid and got in a lot of trouble. I was never a mean kid but was very mischievous. I got spanked a lot by dad, mom and the Nuns. I lived in fear of my fathers left hand as we sat at the dinner table. He died when I was ten. I feel I never had a close relationship with him and I've alway resented my mom secretly as well, until reciently. I realize now they didn't know how to handle or control me.

My confidence and selfrespect were low as a child and I became shy out of fear and social dissaproval. I've outgrown most of that, in fact some people wouldn't believe me if I told them. I still struggle with these issues off radar. I know they are my enemies and know how to keep them at bay.

My son got a wacked every now and then but it was not very often. I didn't want him to fear me. He does think I am too stern and it did affect our relationship some but not like it was for me. We get along fine now, he will be 20 in a few weeks.

My daughter (16), on the other hand, is indomitable. She was spanked more but it was only escalating and doing no good. It's her personality, she can't always help herself. I know I could have dominated her and made her knuckle under but I would have crushed he spirit. She is a beautiful, highly intelligent, sensitive person when the control switch is on, when it is off it's very difficult to deal with her. She is going to a special school now and her control issues are getting better.

I've rambeled some. My point is I deserved some of those beatings but not that many. My son is turning out OK my daughter is progressing. While I did spank them I drew the line. Spanking your children is necessary but not very ineffective if done to often or intensly.

 

I’m surprised this thread has lasted this long with no pie-fighting. Incendiary topic.

 

I thoroughly enjoyed both of these posts.

In all seriousness, I'm not sure how I feel about it. My mother used to spank me when I wouldn't listen, and like everyone else is saying, I would definitely stop doing whatever I was doing. I can't help but wonder if sitting down and talking to me about it (explaining why what I did was wrong) would have worked better. This is not to say that parents only hit their children because they can't communicate, of course. I'm thinking that that's just one of the reasons my parents did.

Not sure what I would do when faced with that situation, though...

 

I was spanked as a child...I was also whipped with a belt and had the switch on my legs. I used to say that when I have children I won't spank them....wrong, I did. But not with a belt or a switch. I paddled them...then they got the naughty chair. I don't know, my children are fine...I don't have any problems with my oldest three, but my baby...who didn't get any kind of spanking, he is a mess, hard headed and stubborn.
Is it because he didn't get spanked, who can say? I do think it is interesting.

 

as a mother of 7 who was raised to believe spanking was de rigueur for responsible parents, so did same with my first 5, i can say with considerable authority it should NEVER be done!

i deeply regret coming so late to the knowledge that spanking is no less an act of violence than punching, kicking, stabbing or shooting... sure, the physical results are less dire, but the psychological and emotional consequences are just as life-damaging and relationship-harming to your kids... i've had to apologize to my own older children for not 'sparing the rod'... in their case, a hot wheels track... my mom's weapon of choice was a wooden spoon, as it had also been for her mom and my dad's mom and probably plenty of generations back...

all it does is teach your children that violence against another is ok in some cases, when it really NEVER IS... we make up all kinds of fancy rationale to use as excuses for things like war and capital punishment and diet and other ways we harm our fellow man and fellow creatures, but it's never really ok to do to another creature what you wouldn't want done to you...

so, don't spank your children under any circumstances!... there are other ways to get their attention and make them see that some conduct is unacceptable... teaching them to hit anyone for any reason, by hitting them for what you claim is a good one, is just giving them the okay to do it themselves and only perpetuates the violence humans have come to be known for... read my pieces 'dare to live right' and 'notches, trophies, game scores and body counts' on my website under 'essays' for more on the subject...

love and hugs, maia

ps: my last two, who got no spankings, are the best of the bunch!... and i have a better relationship with them now, than with the others...

 

The Simple answer to this is. I don't believe in raising a hand to a child. It only does one thing. Puts fear in them. I don't like that. there are other ways to punish them.

 

Agreed, violence is for the ignorant mind and hitting a child is violence. Any raising of hand against any other human being is an act of violence.

 

I am not saying beat there hand to the point that it does do damage but if you smake a tod on the bottom for doing something with there hand they don't have a clue why they are getting hit but if you tap there hand and tell them no then they ok i am doing this wrong and i got a smake on the hand for it. My son used to go into the bin and we tapped him on the hand and he no longer goes in the bin pulling the rubbish out....

 

you know it hurts them more when they hear, shame on you, than it does when they feel that smack on the bottom. Or when you take their toys away...when I say shame on you to my kids...they know they have really messed up and they very quickly stop their bad behaviour. Most of the time.

Every child is different, I just feel that it is highly possible to take this kind of punishment away and use a less aggressive approach. Violence is always violence. No matter what name you give it, it doesn't change what it is.

 

My sister has 5 children and has never hit either of them and they just walk all over her the eldest being 16 to the youngest being 4 she has no control over them at all


I am not saying beat there hand to the point that it does do damage but if you smake a tod on the bottom for doing something with there hand they don't have a clue why they are getting hit but if you tap there hand and tell them no then they ok i am doing this wrong and i got a smake on the hand for it. My son used to go into the bin and we tapped him on the hand and he no longer goes in the bin pulling the rubbish out....

 

the best place to smack is the bottom if you are going to smack. It is the sound, not the feeling that has the greater impact with toddlers.

I just don't feel that it is required. Nor is yelling and screaming in a violent tone either...><

 

I defenatly agree with you there tor i have gone off at people that have yelled and screamed at children.....

 

Every child is different, different methods will work for different children. Some might respond to a time out and others might need a light smack on the bottom to understand. I think we all can agree that there's a limit, yelling at a child in the middle of the supermarket or smacking them without explaining why is just cruel.

What we use at my house is a warning of the punishment to come, and an explanation after the punishment, so far it has worked for us.

 

AMEN!... a 'smack' anywhere is violence... and kids who weren't smacked and are 'difficult' are most likely not getting the proper guidance/love/attention and/or are not faced with non-violent consequences of their unacceptable actions...

sorry, but that makes no sense... there is no 'sound' unless you hit them so hard it makes one, which is outright child abuse, or you hit them on the bare bottom, which is doubly violent, as it adds a perverted sexual component to the mix![yes, i know most who do that don't mean it that way, but that's what it IS... go take a look at any of the many spanking and sexual bondage mags out there and try to tell me it isn't]

 

If you smack a toddlers on the nappie it does make a noise that does make them stop because it's the sound of the nappie that scares them wich makes them think of what they are doing and they stop...

 

If you cup your hands and clap them it makes a wonderfully loud clap.
works wonders at getting a child's or adult's attention.
A friend of mine used to baby sit kids and when they got really loud and
rambunctious she would blow a whistle.
The kids learned to associate that with stop the noise.
I think that clap and the fact that the boys figured out early their mom was
not a normal mom in the physical way helped me to not have to resort to the smack
more than twice with either of them.
For their lifetime so far it has been a rule that they set for themselves. Protect mom.
And they always have. They were very well behaved and no problem to raise.
I was an extremely lucky mom in that respect.

 

I used to get my mothers steel toe boot in the bottom, my mother put the fear of god in me as a child, i was petrified of her, you litteraly had to creep arpund like you were walking on eggshells with my mum, she just never had the patience or time for me, therefore i was constantly going out of my way to get it, the end result was her getting annoyed with me the second i walked into a room, thats why I always vowed to raise my children better than she did me. I want to do everything she didnt do, which is why i believe that screaming at a child or slapping them every time they do wrong is a no no. Though I do believe in a good sting on the bum every now and again, but in the end talking to your child and helping them to understand right from wrong in a calm tone more often than not works alot better, even if it takes a while.

 

Ok, I think everyone has had a chance to weigh in on this, and there are two basic positions with no possibility of a middle ground. I'm going to close this before passions become grudges.