How to potray a victim of abuse.

Both of these are very true.

When I was younger I nearly got into a relationship with someone who I was pretty sure would be abusive. I had a family member who was very emotionally abusive. I don't want to go into detail here for the sake of our current relationship. I'm trying to make peace with it and build a bridge again since that person has made amends and shown some changes.

So for a long time I thought that was normal. Then when I got older I was so repelled by the idea of dating because of that I didn't even try to go out with anyone for years. Then I had health issues that gave me the "time off" from men to rethink a lot of things. It's like depression and anxiety. I can know in my head it's not healthy but I keep going back to it because it's "normal" and "comfortable". That's why I have to deal with the root of it. Point is if it's familiar it's more comfortable even when you know it's not good.

There's a lot of different variables that go into how an abusive relationship plays out. A good friend of mine had a very abusive husband for a couple years then shortly after she had her son she left him and got him deported because he was crazy. I think for her a lot of it was fearing he would hurt her son or that her son would think it was normal to beat the hell out his wife. It's also very true that leaving is the most dangerous part. To this day he has continually tried to get in touch with her and even slipped through security and was on his way to kill her. (I thank God he was caught and put in solitary!) I think a part of why women don't leave is because they're afraid of feeling like they always have to look over their shoulder. Not all but a lot of abuse situations play out like that.

For me those years ago what turned me off the idea of dating that guy was when his best friend showed up at school covered in massive bruises after he got into a fight with him because he beat him at a game of basketball. That was the moment I realized "this would be putting myself in danger". I think a lot of the time there's a defining moment where it's either by things they've seen or things others point out to them. That moment of realizing how unhealthy and wrong it is. Or just even feeling that she's worth so much more.