Title: Words 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 37 38 39 40 39
Insert Title Here What was it I was going to write? I don't remember What is it? Sound of guns perhaps Sound of shin bones homing, homely in the open summer breeze. Dolce et decorum Hweat! Whisky I ehar you calling and I just misspelled 'hear'. Have I been drinking alreadY?
Every time the words leave my mouth, they start - *ahem* When the words leave my mouth th- *cough* .... Words leaving my- *Ahem* TICKLE WORDS TICKLE *cough*
Now we have dog days, The cats fear the weather. Soon fur begins to fly, As the molting begins. Long nights with the window open, And nothing but the sheets on the bed. I can't wait for the leaves to turn, Those are the days I yearn.
Read all my winning poetry entries. Seriously. I wrote this at work in an old office job, and stuck it to the wall of my boss's cubicle when he was away for a moment, in very big letters: Hippos, hippos, in the sky, No one knew that they could fly, but they do and they don't care, If little humans look and stare. Free they are to roam the skies, Flying next to apple pies, Sharing pleasant hippo hugs, Man, I need to give up drugs... He was mad.
And this. I love this one for it's shitness, but they can also be song lyrics. I mean, sing it in the correct rhythm and it could be very catchy! What do I want. I’ll tell you what I want. I want to sleep with a different girl, every night I want to go to the bar and win a big fight I want to be really rich, and drive a fast car I want to travel the world no matter how far I want a big TV, and a comfortable chair I want more than I ask, I want more than my share I want to see world peace but fight in a war I want everything, and then gimme some more! I want a really big house on top of a hill, I want all you can eat and eat more than my fill I want to know everything and always be right I want to play all day and party all night! I want beer and wine and an electric guitar I want to be a big singer or a movie star I want to find a needle in a stack of hay I want to know who the fuck shot JFK! I want big and small and in between, To be a fairy tale king with a fairy tale queen I want my own talk show with my own white trash, I want to swim in a pool filled with cold hard cash I want blind kids to see what colours are I want guided tours around the brightest star I want to go to the moon and play basketball I want ants to be huge, and elephants small! And on top of all that I want a chocolate cake, And a jelly donut and a cheesy snake, And a sea of waffles with syrup too! That’s everything I want if I can’t have you!
Misleading In and out, In and out, Now deeper, In and out, Aww yes, that feels so good. Now in your nose and out your mouth, In and out, In and out, Very deep this time, In and out, In and out, Don't you feel much better? Taking in and expelling is so pleasing, It's best when we master our breathing.
Pawn? It's just a misleading poem where people with dirty minds think it is about sex when it's really just about a breathing exercise.
The Queen would always horse around She'd pawn everything off on the King The Rook she took on royal ground Drew her bored with checked mating
There were 27 fleas all dancing in a row. One saw dog and yelled "Go, go, go!" They did a little jig and then hopped onto his head. The dog scratched the spot and now they're dead, dead, dead.
The Breeze of Winters Past You're the breeze of winters past The rainstorm drizzle on my moist socks You have hailed me far and wide You deserve more than this nasty box If I lived your life I would die of thirst 'Cause you're the Salt Lake to my Salt Lake City And with Utah and Metah Perhaps we could go to California The flowers you sent were lost in the mail But I trust you sent them anyway I'm sure they were brilliant And suited your commute on the subway I never fail to enlighten you When you have doubts in me I always come around to explain myself But you never understand You're not like the Amazon rainforest You're dry and dirty with gross itchy hair But I'm no smartass cobra snake either Like, I'm not gonna tell you I care
If purple prose should be thy aim The English language you will maim Say the yellow sun is full of spots And you don't need to write no plots Past and present sit on the fence When we fail to choose a tense There's no need to write in style Everything dies in the slush pile
punctuation, masturbation, facebook, tumblr. i'll write the way i post and let you know that i'm a mumbler. majuscule letters are for fuddy-duddy farts. i'm a genius, self proclaimed! don't need to know the parts of speech or syntactical progression. no quotes, all commas, and I'll make you this confession that I can't be arsed about a stranded proposition. i'm famous, don't you know; i'm here to tell you, that's my mission.
ODE TO BIOCHEMISTRY AND EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGY Set the spark to the tinder, Like you were trying to light a fire As if for a funeral pyre For some kind of pachyderm. But we’re not burning elephants You who consider yourself a movie star Stretch your drunken self on the bar And try not to think about sperm Whales staving in your skull Because they aren’t, you paranoid putz You don’t want us to think you’re nutz, If you do, we’ll make you squirm.
Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song, Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along, No, don't sing along. Monica, Monica, Have a happy Hanukkah. I saw Santa Clause, He said 'Hello' to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler, Have a ggg-lauuunanglaar!
I feel so sad I might just cry My tears are so wet they ruined my shirt Turns out they were colourful and now I wear a tie-dye Could be worse, could be in a hearse falling into mount tiede There's a tie fighter up in the sky, screaming 'why oh why?' The sun went kaboom now I am going to die. *Cry*
Plot Summary of the film Jurassic Park There once was an island of Things Unpronounceable, unspellable Things And sometimes some Things Would eat other Things Or even humans - a favorite of Things.
To Ganymede and Titan, Yes sir I've been around, But there ain't no place, In the whole of Space Like that good ol' toddlin' town. Lunar City Seven, You're my idea of heaven. On a scale of ten you score eleven, That good ol' toddlin' town.
Drowning in Hershey seas Bits of cake in vanilla ice-cream Throw in some jimmies Add a few gummy bears Now where is Leonardo DiCaprio? Ah.. if only it was Jello.
Here's a haiku I thought of while observing my infant daughter: A wayward piece of glitter? Or light striking flecks of spittle just so?
