Bragging

Who was it, Charlie, who sent you a get-well-soon-card while you were laying in that hospital bed, in a coma, having those delusions? I am that nice of a guy who would send a card. It cost almost two bucks, btw.

 

(I thought we're supposed to top the person above, not dispute their claims as delusions.)

For your get well card, I sent it to you as a singing telegram... and I hired the entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir to sing it.

 

(well, I think the rules can be interpreted loosely. It’s kinda how the thread has been going. After all, one could only top someone a certain amount of times before he/she is God)

I hired the New York Philharmonic Orchestra to play Silent Night outside your house during Christmas. And I paid them with peanuts

 

(You're God? Oh yeah, well I created God! In the mega-universe where Gods are created though, I'm just a little tiny guy who looks just like Charlie Brown. There, the balance of the board has been reset, and yet, it was still a topper. )

I resurrected Elvis to sing "Blue Christmas" for you, and paid him with a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

 

I created Elvis from a socially awkward, insecure young auto mechanic, and handcrafted his first guitar.

 

I taught him how to air guitar so well, a crowded stadium can hear the music without loudspeakers.

 

Oh yeah, I gave him Guitar Hero, which really honed his skills

 

I invented Guitar Hero back in 1938, and made the instructions an insert to Action Comics #1 with the blurb, "Superman: A Real Guitar Hero."

A Near Mint Copy of the comic, with the instructions insert intact, is worth $2 million, IF you can find one.

 

Instructions? Don't make me laugh. I don't even need instructions. I am capable of opening a child proof medicine container without the instructions. Beat that.

 

I can open a child proof medicine container with my teeth, while doing a cart wheel.

 

I can open a child proof container with MY MIND, while I take the place of an ACTUAL cart's wheel as the cart rides down a very steep hill!

In fact, never mind child proof containers. I can open Fort Knox with my pinky finger, and get all the gold out an hour before anyone notices the door is open.

 

I can transfer all the gold from Fort Knox into my garage using only thought. While I'm getting it on, opening child proof containers with my toes, singing Nirvana songs backwards.

 

I can fit all of Earth's Fords, Chrysler's and Toyota's in my garage, AND, I can fit my garage in my pocket. I was actually a member of Nirvana, until they kicked me out and stole all my great ideas.

 

I keep all the spare Air Craft Carriers in a thimble that I carry between my breasts on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I gave birth to all the memebers of Nirvana, even though they are older than me, and I'm the one that told them to kick you out.

 

I invented the thimble! My genius saved many poor fingers from being poketified. I also invented a new word.

 

I invented all launguage. I control how and when people speak. I control everyones thoughts and minds.

 

I taught a Manderine orange how to speak Manderine Chinese.

 

I invented Becca and control HER thoughts and mind.

That Mandarin orange was a magical device placed there by myself, designed to absorb your brainpower and life essence. Thanks for your brainpower and life essence, sucker. That's another one to tick off the list.

 

I invented the Daleks. They don't need brainpower or life essence. They don't even need you alive.

I win.

(The correct response to this is something about stairs)

 

Thanks for that, with that information I just lifted a gigiantic staircase off the ground with my unmatched brute strength and used it to strike all of your beloved Daleks over the head, rendering them unconcious. I then proceeded to steal their life essence and brainpower, giving me the ability to not need brainpower and life essence. Now I have it all.

 

I created Gallifrey and the Timelords to quell the scourge from Skaro.

 

Snap, Cogito, we posted about the same time. Only I won, as I always do, because of my superspeed abilities.

 

We Daleks caused the destruction of the Time Lords! And we survived!

I was the fastest sperm.

 

It's not over yet. The dustbins will yet fall to the Timelords. I planned it that way.

 

I invented dust.

I needed somewhere to put it, so then I invented bins.