The description below is that of an alien I am working right now. I need some help it make sound better? I think the main problem with the description is the way I described the character's mouth. I do not think that the character could have a mouth like I described the characters having. Description: Coming into view is a powerfully built, giant-sized being that bears a striking semblance to a humanoid figure, albeit in the most vague sense. Its body, devoid of any discernible gender, is incredibly study and covered in tough, furrowed skin that is unusually dense and completely hairless. This skin is darker than the deepest night. Its large, monstrous head is perched on a long neck, capable of effortlessly rotating in a complete circle due to its remarkably agile nature. Piercing both of its large pointed and webbed ears are three golden earrings. On both sides of its head, it has three large eyes set in the shape of a sideways triangle. Nestled between these eyes are three smaller ones, forming an inverted triangle. Each eye emits a radiant, otherworldly yellow glow. Two diagonal slits serve as its nose. Serrated dagger-like teeth line its quadripartite mouth. Located in front of each one of the four parts of its mouth is a large, jagged-edged mandible. In place of both arms, it has a knot of flesh at both shoulders, from which three highly flexible nightmarish tentacles that nearly touch the ground whip out. Four rows of small, but strong, white sucker-like discs line each of these tentacles and each disc is ringed with small, sharp teeth. A thrashing muscular tapering tail that measures three feet in length snakes out from the end of its spine. Both of its feet have one forward-facing toe, one sideways-facing toe that faces to the left, one sideways toe that faces to the right, and one backward-facing toe. Each toe terminates in a sharp, monstrous, curved pitch-black talon made of bone.
This actually sounds a lot like the way I used to describe creatures long ago. I would literally stop the flow of the story and describe it from head to toe. With time I learned to do it so it won't halt the forward momentum of the story, and to start with a much more general idea of what it looks like. Something like this: Suddenly a gargantuan monstrosity lurched around the end of the stone wall—something from a nightmare. A vaguely human form, but composed of hard-shelled parts that belonged to something from the insect family, or a crustacean maybe. Honestly I'm not sure the specific descriptions of individual facial features and toes adds much or is necessary. I'll bet you did what my friend and I used to do—we'd draw them first and then describe what we drew. That's how you end up trying to get across all the little details, but miss the larger picture that will really get a sense of the creature across rapidly.
