I'm writing a scene; this is about 9 chapters into my work. The main character is introduced to several new characters; soldiers being placed under her command. I've got two different versions I have written. One describes the whole scene and gives dialogue between the MC and the new characters. The other is just a quick summary. The summary is (obviously) much shorter so we can get through the introductions and get on to the important parts of the story. But the long version gives a little more flavor. I can't quite figure out which is more worthwhile. Here is a sample of each version. First, the long version: Total word count for the full version: 1382 And the same section for the short version: Total word count for the full version: 388 (That said, there are two exchanges in the full version that I would want to include in other scenes if I use the short version, coming to 418 words, so the true difference between these versions is 576 words.) Is this longer version actually interesting and worth it? Or is it dragging out a section that honestly does little more than describe hair color?
At a brief glance, there's nothing going on in the dialogue that couldn't just be summary. But even as summary, cub-count and year tally isn't all that compelling (at least, IMO). Also ask yourself how important exact ages are. I suggest finding some kind of peculiarity, conflict, or [thematic] perspective, and using that to drive the scene. Lastly, try not to think in terms of either/or when it comes to dialogue or summary. Blend the two together. If someone has something interesting to say, put it in, otherwise leave it out.
The old maxim says: "If it doesn't go toward character, plot or theme, cut it." I don't know your story, but the extra wordage doesn't seem to contribute to any of those things.
Well, it kind of depends. The instructor's questions about family indicate things she's interested in, which point toward personal values, which informs character. Her reaction to certain answers or points of fact can develop her very quickly in a short amount of time if this a passage toward the beginning. Depending on the POV setup, lining up the characters and sorting through their bios will allow you to more easily sort through their POVs later, if that's a thing. And it could inform the character of each of them if written a little differently. There is also a lot of benefits to introducing characters through dialogue. Lively action vs dry summary, if done well. The reader will be more likely to remember something expressed in clean, rhythmic dialogue than picked from a pile of text that contains a lot of information. And there's decent amount of who/what/where plot exposition here if it's front loaded. Scenes like this can get a lot of information out in a short amount of time if done properly. They can also be very lame if done too on-the-nose or in a blatant expository way. Tough to tell without knowing more, but I don't mind the longer first version. That could change in the greater context though. If you have a lot of dialogued sections around it, summary might be more appropriate. Or vice versa if you've been pouring on the narration and need a break. Both dialogue and summary can lose their pop if they skew too hard in one direction, in my opinion.
