Reading the thread about writing oriented software a reply formed in my mind. "A pro writer would write his novel even if caged with only a spoon to scratch the walls with." Then, before writing it down I actually imagined myself in that situation, which, now that I think about it, is a reflex I'm proud of. The first thing that came to mind was how slow one would write, but usually "imprisoned with only a spoon" is a long term commitment. The second thing that came to mind was the limited space. A single jail room worth of text isn't much, but I suppose a text covered room will get you a notebook, or a move to the padded suites. The third idea was what bothered me. No corrections. Having to write it all in one go with no possibility to go back and introduce a character or item you need seventy five chapters later. My writer mind told me there was no problem, with so much free time, I could think about every part of the story before committing to write it. But it was a bit hard to actually believe that. Then my IT mind solved the problem, I could write all as a linked list of fragments so the removal and reinsertion of pieces would be solved by just changing the references. But that would probably get me a padded room quite faster, and it's not only hard to write on the padding but you won't get to keep your spoon either. Do you think you could write the next best seller on your jail room's walls?
I'd rather have a crayon than a spoon, but I might not get one in case I eat it. A whole pack of crayons would be awesome, as then I could write each section in a different colour and it would be easier to chop and change and mix sections up. And of course you can still use crayons on padded walls, but then again not with your arms strapped behind your back ( and not if it's a white crayon )...... But anyway. What I want to know is, what crime are you planning to go to jail for ??
I should learn how to write on a padded wall with a crayon. I should also find a way of making crayons out of cellmates. Well, I can't practice my crayon making techniques with chickens, can I? Their bones are too brittle, and it's very improbable my cellmates will have any feathers at all.
Let me get this straight. You're planning to learn how to make crayons from people's bones so that when you get nicked and sent down for it, you can write your novel with said crayons because they're not likely to give you a spoon ? Next question - what is this novel going to be about ? And it had better not be about the techniques of organic crayon manufacture.
I hope that I would never have to make such a decision, but I don't believe that it would be such a bad experience. Sure, as you mentioned, you can't make corrections, but being a writer is more about self-expression and identity than earning money with a novel. Writing during a long arduous jail sentence would help keep you sane, and give the brain some exercise instead of letting it rot along with your confined body.
You could unravel your trousers back into a ball of yarn, rip your shirt into pages and embroider the story into the shirt-book, using needles which you would fashion out of splinters from the wooden spoon. The spoon would of course be wooden as it's prison issue and wood is cheaper than metal. That way, parts of the story can be changed or added later by sewing in additions as lift-me flaps and amendments as patches.
The mythical feathered live squid? Otherwise, you'll still need the corpse for the bone splinters. Unless it's a giant squid and it has recently eaten a seagull. Finally I got the answer to "what would you take to a deserted island"!
I'd rather have a pen and paper really, but yes, I would write on a cell wall, I just enjoy writing: I don't give two ****s about it being a 'best seller', and I sometimes resent people who seem to think I should.
Frankly, I'd just write in blood, mine or theirs. And I am truly shocked this not been suggested yet. Hahahahahahahaha! Writing is supposed to keep us sane!? Oh man, I've been doing this all wrong... I'm no expert on prison utensils, but I bet they'd be metal or plastic --cheaper to mass produce and they last much longer than wood. And you can't snap a metal spoon in half and use it to shank someone... because shanking is the leading cause of prisoner death.* *Followed closely by crayon-making.
I think this impressive discussion needs to call into question what exactly a "cell" is to a man. If it's a shabby one room apartment in the bad side of town and you're a writer who's got the idea to make crayons out of the recently dead (which is great, by the way, think of the complex pallet) you've probably already begun to write on your walls with blood, bits of bone, and whatever else you can find. Going to prison wouldn't be much different. Unfortunately I've been in a few of the rooms you're talking about, there's always a camera in the corner, they check on you every two hours, and the light outside in on all night. If you get a window, you could presumably fill a tidy rant in the blind spot of the camera. Mention something about how the aliens put electricity in our toothpaste and the sentience of toasters.
