Three way dialogue

Hey all, I'm new here, first time poster yay!

Anyway I'm writing a YA story at the moment and there is a scene where I have three characters arguing with one another whilst sat in the garden at the party.
I wanted a way to clearly convey who is talking without using dialogue tags. Now I appreciate usually you can either say actions or it is very clear who is talking in a two person argument, I am unsure how exactly to say it three ways. A quick snippet is as follows (I've starred out the curse words):

“Tiff?” Bobby put down his controller and looked at his friend, “Seriously?
“Nathan, what is she on about?”
Nathan paused the game and looked at Freya and Bobby on either side of him,
“Well, we just kinda… y’know”
“No we don’t ****** know Nath, please tell me it’s not…”
“It’s just sex”
“Oh because that’s a brilliant ******* idea Nathan, no one gets hurt that way”
"What's it matter? I wanna get laid I'll get laid"
"Not how it works Nathan, people always get hurt"
"Yeah Nath, you know this won't end well"
"Tell us, when did this start?"
"May"
"May?!" they both yelled.
"You know, the month after April but before June"
"But why?" Freya sounded exhausted, "We thought it was over after Easter"
"Yeah well, she's back"


I appreciate I've left a couple tags in there but I just wondering how easy that is to follow and if there is a way I could make it easier without saying the character's names throughout.

Any advice or feedback is much appreciated

Thank you

 

It works for me. You don't always need to know specifically who said what, especially if they're asking a question the reader wants to know like "Why" or "How did that happen?" One thing that can help immensely and relieve you of the need to use tags frequently is to make sure each character has a recognizable voice, so as soon as they start talking the reader instantly knows who it is. Of course that's easier said than done.

 

Me personally, and I would like to emphasise that I'm a shitty reader, I prefer a little more indication of who's saying what. That being said, I can follow this. Aside from punctuation I can deal with this fine.

 

I didn't have any problems. It might matter more if I knew the characters already. I'm just guessing Bobby uses the asterisks and Freya is the concerned one.
Does the first word refer to an argument? At first I thought it was the nickname of a character being addressed. You might like to clarify that. Also, it would help keep all conversations straight if each one used some word or turn of phrase peculiar to him- or herself.

 

It's super hard to do dialogue without tags revolving between characters even if they have unique voices because you already have two characters with similar agendas. Two are exasperated by his decision so they blended but it was easy to tell when Nathan's talking because his agenda is different from theirs. What I'd do is set up the swearer first i.e. - "No, we don't **** know, Nath," Freya sneered, "please tell me it's not ..."
and then address the person diving into the conversation i.e. - Bobby shook his head. "Not how it works, Nathan, people always get hurt." or vice versa. You could also give them words only they use. If only Freya calls him Nath and Bobby calls him bro, or dude. Or if one person's tone changes slightly i.e. - Aw come on man, every guy wants to get laid but dude, her?
What's their separate interest in them being disappointed with him? what's the layers going on - did they help him through a break up, is Freya annoyed with Tiff to begin with, did Bobby and him already discuss this no being a good idea - does anyone feel not just mad but betrayed.

 

This does not work well for me at all. I'm so busy trying to figure out who said what that I'm not paying attention to what is being said. Even if there are only two people in a conversation, if you let too many lines go by without reminding the reader who is speaking, they can easily lose track. Blink ...and the next thing you know, you're assuming the wrong person is speaking.

With three people in the conversation, you REALLY need to double down on this. The easiest (best?) way to do it is to insert action beats that let the reader know not only who is speaking, but what else is going on.

And keep in mind as well ...the dialogue and the dialogue tag or action beat have to be in the same paragraph, unless otherwise obvious. I'm not sure if it's the forum formatting to blame here, but if it's not, ensure you're not separating Nathan's speech from his action into separate paragraphs. For example this:

This whole section. Who is speaking the lines? We can possibly figure out, after a bit of head-scratching, which lines Nathan is saying, because of the content. But the other lines? Is it Bobby or Freya? Not a clue.

This is the kind of writing which would make me put the book down and never pick it up again. However, that would all change with just a little bit of work attributing the dialogue. It won't take much. But I'd always err on the side of clarity, if possible. If people can't follow what's happening, they'll lose interest.

 

^ This must be one of those issues some people are more concerned about that others. Since I know who's answering the questions and the questions themselves are of a fairly generic nature, I'm not concerned about which one is asking each question. But then it's just a short section and I'm not invested enough in the story to really want to know. Maybe if I were reading the whole story I'd feel the need to know that. Or maybe if I did know it would become clear that the questions aren't as generic as I'm assuming, maybe each questioner has their own agenda and I just haven't separated them out as individuals yet.

 

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it all trust me.

General back ground is that Freya and Bobby both hate Tiff who is the former girlfriend of Nathan (our protagonist). We (can hopefully) see Nathan has been keeping it a secret that they have got back together and this is the scene where Freya and Bobby first find out.

I'm still working on the character voices. I have Bobby cursing a lot more and often calling Nathan simply "Nath" and Freya usually being calmer using his full name.

I was just trying to avoid saying "he said", "she said", "she exclaimed" etc

I appreciate that more action maybe needs to be in as has been said. I just imagined it as simply two people sat either side of Nathan just still sat there looking in at him and arguing with him.

I'll keep working on it, but once again, thank you very much for the feedback/advice.

 

In a scene like that action could consist of leaning in, staring right into someone's eyes, squinting at them quizically (how is that spelled?), laying a hand on their shoulder etc.

 

I totally got lost as to who was speaking. It's confusing because there are three people and no tags to indicate who says what after the initial one. If it doesn't matter who is speaking, I get it from context, but I didn't.

 

I know there are people who firmly believe that "tags" are to be avoided, but for a conversation amongst more than 2 people absolutely needs them. Not for every single line, but just for clarification as needed. The two extremes are: using no tags at all...and using tags all the time. But the use or lack of use of them isn't inherently a bad thing, it just needs the right balance for the situation.

 

It's a complete mess, I'm afraid.

“Tiff?” Bobby put down his controller and looked at his friend, “Seriously?

I assume that Bobby spoke both prior and after, given this is him acting, and thus it is his paragraph.

“Nathan, what is she on about?”

I have to guess that SHE means Tiff. I assume that since Nathan didn't speak, it's Bobby speaking. But wait, you dropped to new paragraph, which automatically hits the reader as a new actor. But if it's Bobby, that is a huge misdirection because Bobby owned the previous paragraph. Given you are relying upon lots of naked dialogue, this is fatal and breaks the convention of same actor/same paragraph, new actor/new paragraph. That law, incidentally, shows its criticality in situations like this.

Nathan paused the game and looked at Freya and Bobby on either side of him,

“Well, we just kinda… y’know”

The comma suggests that Nathan spoke, but it dropped to a new line, so I'm not sure what happened. I will assume that all of this above is Nathan's and that all of it belongs in one paragraph

“No we don’t ****** know Nath, please tell me it’s not…”

Utterly clueless as to whether it's Bobby or Tiff.

“It’s just sex”

Again, could be any of the three, since I had two to choose from in the previous line.

“Oh because that’s a brilliant ******* idea Nathan, no one gets hurt that way”

It's either Bobby or Tiff above????

"What's it matter? I wanna get laid I'll get laid"

I guess it's Tiff, since usually girls say that line, but guys do too, so....

"Not how it works Nathan, people always get hurt"

Clueless, other than it's not Nathan talking.

"Yeah Nath, you know this won't end well"

??

"Tell us, when did this start?"

??

"May"

??

"May?!" they both yelled.

I don't know who it is, but it's two of them.

"You know, the month after April but before June"

Clueless.

"But why?" Freya sounded exhausted, "We thought it was over after Easter"

Oh God, I thought it was Nathan, Bobby and Tiff. Now we have a Freya, so I am utterly clueless.

"Yeah well, she's back"

No. None of this works at all. A basic concept is that if you have more than one person in a room, you will need to do a lot more tagging, dialogue or action tags. At this point I couldn't even suggest how to fix it because I don't even believe that you only have three in the room.

Thus, on to the original question. First and foremost, never break the convention, same actor/same paragraph, new actor/new paragraph. That way the reader at least has a chance. And, by that I mean, all thoughts, actions and words in one paragraph, breaking paragraph to turn the reader's head over to the next person. It is not just about dialogue.

Once you do that, you need to consider what talking heads is. A group of talking heads is actors on a blank stage where the lights are turned off and all we get to do is hear them talk. Now, yeah, pace is amped way up if we have fast delivery, but you lose a bunch, as well, and you don't really have to tag everything if you know a few tricks.

One trick is to shift the conversation between 3, 4, 10 people, to 2 people. You might have 3 talk, but as you move forward you notice that two are arguing or monopolizing the discussion, and then you can drop a lot of tags. I do this instinctively all the time, and it always works. Readers latch on instantly. Up until then, you have a lot more work to do because keeping things straight is imperative. Not only is it important for clarity's sake, but it is also important because it is your blocking. Always keep the big 3 in mind: Narrative, dialogue and action. If all you are doing is talking, you are using only one of the big three, and that's not going to be as interesting as you might think.

So, let me apply a bit to this example. Know that it is so confusing that I'll have to wing who is speaking in order to show you what I'm talking about, but here goes:

“You mean Tiff?” Bobby put down his controller and glared at Nathan. “Seriously? Come on, Nathan, what's Freya talking about?”
Nathan paused the game. He was surrounded by Freya and Bobby, and the room wasn't big enough to avoid this conversation. “Well, we just kinda… y’know”
“No we don’t ****** know Nath. Please tell me it’s not--”
“It’s just sex.”
“Oh because that’s a brilliant ******* idea, Nathan. No one gets hurt that way.” Bobby punted his controller.
"What's it matter? I wanna get laid, I'll get laid."
Freya mumbled, "Not how it works. People always get hurt."
"Yeah Nath, you know this won't end well," Bobby said.
"When did this start?" Freya snuck another handful from the popcorn bowl.
"May."
"May?" they both yelled.
"You know, the month after April but before June." Nathan picked his controller back up. "Un-pause the game, for god's sake."
"But why?" Freya sounded exhausted. "We thought you two were over, last Easter."
"Yeah well, she's back."

Thus, in the first half of the rewrite above we have a 2-way conversation (less tagging) between Nathan and Bobby. Freya jumps in, so we have to tag a little more. Much of the tagging involves blocking and action, moving us past the simple talking heads. As well, strict use of the law, same actor, same paragraph is in play, never leaving our paragraph until our actor is done. Without application of this rule, you can just forget being able to use naked dialogue ever. As well, notice that in spite of more tags the pace in this rewrite is faster. That's because readers spend all day trying to figure out who is doing what. Not only will that make fast-paced naked dialogue slow, it will actually stop it entirely because the reader will put it down.

 

Oh, and one more thing. One way to say who is talking is to employ the other person's name in the actual dialogue. Thus Bobby might say Nathan's name, so we would thus assume it is Bobby speaking. That's a neat trick BUT. When we speak another person's name, while talking, we usually mean to be extremely formal, or we mean to show our displeasure. One does not naturally say the name of the person he or she is speaking to. In fact, I sometimes hang in circles where I can talk for hours to people whose names I don't even recall. Nobody even guesses that I can't recall their names. In normal, everyday talk, we almost never speak the other person's name, so it's special when we do, and that gets to making our dialogue feel real.

 

One further comment, given pace is clearly the concern (why we do so much naked dialogue). If you want that pace to be blistering, one habit can kill that almost every time. That's the habit of breaking up dialogue with a dialogue or action tag. When you cut your dialogue in two, it slows pace. Good writers know this and use it to that effect, if that is their intention. If they want the dialogue to read faster, they tag either prior to or after the full dialogue. If it is prior, that means they seek a slight pause between the last bit and the upcoming dialogue. If they tag later, it means they want things to move along more quickly.

“You mean Tiff?” Bobby put down his controller and glared at Nathan. “Seriously? Come on, Nathan, what's Freya talking about?”
Nathan paused the game. He was surrounded by Freya and Bobby, and the room wasn't big enough to avoid this conversation. “Well, we just

Using the above example: In the first line, we have a slower pace because we ripped the dialogue in two. This feels more relaxed, in terms of timing. Bobby took a moment to stew and glare. Thus the whole sentence is medium to slow paced. If that is by intent, great. If not, ugly. And, I mention this because I know writers who split their dialogue almost every time, meaning they have no clue. It would not be done every time, but instead, when you mean to slow pace.

The second line has a long bit of action tagging (two sentences). This means time (whether you intended that or not). Words are time. so, that dialogue is delayed, not spoken immediately after the previous dialogue.

If you intend faster pace, you work that dialogue tag in late, burying it as much as you can (dialogue tags usually feel less time consuming than action bites).

"May."
"May?" they both yelled.
"You know, the month after April but before June."

That's bang, bang, bang. And we still know who is speaking. Dialogue tags, put late, take up the least amount of reader timing, in most cases.
Now, watch it slow down by forcing the reader to work with broken dialogue, soon as we get to the action of Nathan pickin gup his controller:

"You know, the month after April but before June." Nathan picked his controller back up. "Un-pause the game, for god's sake."
"But why?" Freya sounded exhausted. "We thought you two were over, last Easter."

 

I've attempted a five-way dialog where everybody's talking at once with no tags, and pauses or tags absolutely ruins the scene. The trick was to keep each participant's contribution short and make their lines speak to how their character would speak (as developed). It's damn difficult and immediately starts upon the introduction of that character in the story. It works when the 'voice' of each character is well established. It crashes in flames when you haven't developed your character's voice. Even twins don't speak the exact same way.
I've stopped mid-sentence after 150kw and gone back to the very beginning of the story to strengthen a character's voice, changing all the previous dialog that followed. Make your character work for you. It's a pain in the ass, but sometimes it's cool to see a character become vivid. Yeah, it's mostly just a pain in the ass, but I LOVE when it works!

How far along in the story are you, at this point?

 

Gary is a legend. Just saying.