When writing personal essays (also known as narrative nonfiction) what events or times in your life to you choose to write about and what is your selection process like? How personal do you get? Ever want to write about something in your life but find it difficult to put down on paper? I do sell and publish almost all the personal essays I submit to magazines and journals. And I do have a sort of first refusal agreement with one publication for my essays. But I have taken a break, sort of like a furlow. However, I'm thinking I should get back into it. My editor will know if I'm holding back and that's a problem. I know what they expect of me. I've just been having a hard time with life. Such things make for good stories and essays, but I'm having a hard time making sense of it all. I've been scribbling some, but I'm having trouble finalizing a piece. Not trouble finishing which is different. I'm just not ready to send something in yet. I've shared many personal details and stories from my life with my essays. But life is harder than it's ever been, giving me plenty of material. But right now I just want life to be different. I need to touch base with my editor soon, I'm just not sure I want to hand something in yet. I should, but it just feels really hard. Has anyone been in a similar mindset when crafting personal essays? Do you bare your ugly soul? How do you say, "Okay, I can do this," when it's hard because everything in life is really hard right now and will be for quite some time, maybe forever even.
Truly, deadrats, I am not being snarky, but if you are struggling with writing the next soul-bearing essay, maybe you should reconsider your production paradigms. Personal essays disclosing one's deepest thoughts and struggles to an anonymous voyeuristic audience are emphatically not my thing, either as a reader or a writer. Several years ago, an op-ed writer for a local newspaper wrote a weekly column detailing her and her family's personal lives. At best, it amounted to a 300 word Valentine to herself or her kids; at worst, it was a sore betrayal of family privacy. It's one thing to share one's struggles to win the trust of an abused mare, but I have a hard time understanding why a person wants to share the intimate details of his or her life and psyche for the entertainment of readers.
If it feels too intense to write about just now, it might require some time to process things and get some better perspective. Some kinds of events might take a few years or even a decade, and some you might never be ready to write about.
I tend towards poetry rather than essays when I want to express something really personal (and I definitely don’t sell as much as you do), but I think the principle is the same. Where is the line between honesty and self-indulgence? How much sharing is healthy? These are tough questions, and there’s probably no definitive answer. Sometimes, finding the right words to express some deep feeling can be very healing, a way of exorcising the trauma to the page. I’ve only really managed that once, but it’s the publication I’m proudest of, and which people tell me they love the most. When you give people a clear window into your experience, you let in the light they need to see what you’ve been through, and that can make both of you feel less alone. That connection is where the true beauty of this sort of writing lies. But if you don’t quite get there, the writing can actually make you feel worse. I remember reading an essay about Coleridge’s “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” that described the Mariner’s “repetition compulsion,” the need to tell people over and over again about his extraordinary experience rather than moving on from it. Victims of trauma can fall into a similar trap, and writers are no exception. There are some significant moments that I’ve tried to capture unsuccessfully—coming back to them over and over again, fighting with the words—and I can’t say I’ve gained anything from all that work. Ultimately, I had to resolve those feelings in other ways (and I’m still working on some). Unfortunately, I don’t know of a good way to tell what your particular situation is, so all I can say is to be aware of what you’re hoping to gain from this work, and perhaps discuss how writing about these events affects you with a therapist and/or trusted friend. Since you do write for a living, there are other factors to consider, but I’d say that there are better ways to earn a buck than self-torture. And, as @Xoic said, if something hurts too much to write about, now may simply not be the time. As for limits, I figure that if I’m going to write about my experience, I’ll be as honest as I can; holding back leads to weak writing that benefits no one. My whole life is fair game—the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, I won’t write about situations that might harm or compromise anyone else (well, maybe with their permission, though I haven’t tried something like that). I’d say that’s a good limit for anyone.
This is the wisdom. I've written a couple of narrative non-fiction pieces, one of which has been picked up. Whatever it might reveal of me is largely indirect, in much the same way as inferences can be made from a piece of fiction. It also aims for a humorous tone, the refuge of those unwilling to reveal. There are many aspects of my life that I could never conceive of putting out for publication, partly to do with betrayal, as mentioned above, and partly because it's my own business and I enjoy privacy. I would suggest, though, that prurient voyeurism and entertainment are not the only reasons for reading personal accounts. Empathy is in there. Learning too. Connecting with and understanding other human beings. Issues like institutional abuse, corruption, exploitation and on and on are often exposed primarily through personal accounts of what happened, more likely than authorities stepping forward to admit responsibility. Those personal essays can topple dictators, expose atrocities, comfort people who are struggling. It can also validate the author, by extension others going through similar. There are swathes of people who feel silenced, who experience recognition through such personal publications. Sometimes it just interesting. We need our sooth sayers, those who will fearlessly reveal the human condition, sometimes within fiction but sometimes not. For me, Jim Morrison contributed in ways that I'll always appreciate. Truthful, honest with a healthy dose of fuck the begrudgers that was exactly what was needed way back when and right up to present days. But only when the cost is not too high.
Personal essays have the power to do a lot more than entertain. This isn't some thrill-seeking writer position. And doesn't have to be about exposing secrets and baring your soul. It's clearly not your thing and not even a form you truly understand. Not sure why you bothered to post, but whatever.
Why, I posted so you could critique my response and accuse me of ignorance, of course. I agree with B.E. Nugent and Xoic about the potential value of personal essays. My objection is not to personal essays that educate, uplift souls, and topple dictators. I dislike those that pander to voyeurism in its many forms. In the original post, you specifically mentioned soul-baring, sharing personal details, an editor who "will know if I'm holding back," and your reluctance to hand in current material. Then you ask, "Has anyone been in a similar mindset when crafting personal essays?" Yes. I have. My conclusion: if sharing particular experiences brings on psychic disturbance, perhaps those experiences shouldn't be shared, at least not in non-fiction first person forms. If the personal details impact another person's privacy, they sure as hell shouldn't be shared, certainly without specific permission from that person. I'm sincerely sorry if you thought I was suggesting your position is one of "thrill seeking writer." That wasn't my intent at all.
I would add, for what it's worth, my comments earlier were meant in addition rather than in opposition to those of Ms Grace. Voyeurism and entertainment are not the only reasons for reading/writing narrative non-fiction, but they certainly are there. The power of a "Me Too" movement can quickly become lost to a "What About Me?" scramble. There are "non-fiction" writers who present an idealised version of their lives that is like spending time with the colleague who won't shut up about "my son/daughter the engineer". There is also potential for over-identification, loss of perspective, like when one of our politicians recently said she could relate to the plight of Syrian refugees because she was sentenced to three days in custody for not paying a fine for protesting US military at Shannon airport. No, they're really nothing alike. And she said this after she was turned around after an hour's processing in prison and sent home. The whole area of non-fiction is wrought. Memory is entirely subjective, as is its interpretation. It is malleable to suit particular need at particular times. But it can be compelling. I read a book recently that collected vignettes written by prisoners in Mountjoy prison, compiled in 1999 and edited by Marsha Hunt, who had facilitated a writing course for the inmates. It was quite a powerful collection, with open acknowledgement of the lives lived and wrongs done. All the authors made mention of the empowerment they experienced through their participation. To the OP, this is not meant to impugn your relationship with your editor, which is clearly something that works for you, but it is conceivable that an editor could push the writer, more and more, make it bleed, in a way that might not be conducive to a healthy author. Caution and self-care must still be prioritised.
What you say here makes a lot of sense. I'm not looking to change professions. I'm just not really sure how to approach some of the things I want to write about. And I think I'm a little rusty.
You make an interesting point that there is a difference between airing all your dirty laundry and being honest. Regardless the subject matter the essayist needs that honesty to come through for a piece to work. We all choose what we want to write about, and I think the trick is to do it with honesty wrapped in those words. I try to write with a quiet honesty rather than a crazy story you've just got to hear to believe
The personal essay is an art form I don't think you truly understand. It's okay that it's probably not your thing. Good luck to you on your other writing pursuits.
I completely agree with your thought, but I think that some things can only be expressed in essay format, poetry is a bit restrictive and has its own framework in which we work. But it also gives such a work more charm and shows better the personality of the author.
