Today marks the start of spring break for me. I find myself feeling depressed after what SHOULD have been a rather splendid evening. I am reminded of the past, and while the memories are pleasant, they lead me to the worst point in my life. Has anyone here ever experienced an event so profound that it rocked you to your core and left you forever changed? It has been three (maybe four?) years now and I am still haunted by the memory. I am really tired and a bit out of it as a result; sorry if this post makes little sense.
Happens to me alot.. I get caught up in the really crappy memories of my past and I dwell on them .. it makes a wreck of what should be a happy time for me. Best you can do is try not to think about it by keeping yourself busy .. works for me most of the time.
I think most people have had something happen in their lives that they look back to constantly. I know I do. How about instead of looking back with dread, look back and see just how far you've come since that event. What you've learnt from it and how you have changed for the better from that lesson. I wouldn't be surprised if you have learnt a lot and looking at the good points will help to lift your mood. If you ever want someone to talk to about it then just send me a pm. If you feel that you can't talk to anyone then write it all down on paper and then burn it so no one else can read it. I think you'll find that getting it all out into the open will give you new ways of looking at the situation and you'll see, that maybe, it wasn't as bad as you first thought. Go easy on yourself for what does come out. We are our worst critics after all. Spring is just around the corner and with it comes new life and new beginnings. Hang in there and take care. xx
Sure, and I guess the advice I have to offer is completely subjective because of that, but hopefully you can find something in it that might help. I think that sometimes it's a mistake to put a clear, divisive line between the past and the present. I believe this because everything that you experience - good and bad - goes into making up the person that you are ( because of that, I also believe that people are in a constant state of becoming, or rather, change in itself never ends). To distance oneself from past, traumatic events can in fact have the opposite effect of what you're trying to do, because - in effect - you are dividing the pieces that make up a whole. In terms of growth and change for the better, I think that can actually lead to an emotional kind of stagnation. (I'm not saying that this is what's happening, just putting it out there in general...) I've met quite a few people in real life that have suffered terrible things in the course of their lives. Often, I see a tendency (and I'm not in any way including yourself in this assessment) for them to effectively crucify themselves to one moment in time that can never change, thus leaving them unable to change. They understand that this one moment will forever affect them, and choose to leave it at the way it affected them the first time it happened. But the way I see it, is that there are some things that will always hurt - no matter how long ago they happened, how much you have forgiven (yourself, or someone else if someone else was involved), no matter how far you've come and made a success of your life since. I think it's natural to still feel emotional about events from the past because - as I said - they remain a part of you. And they should - the trick is to understand that these things can become a good part of you, change you for the better, because you have an experience that you can learn something from, and - even though it doesn't feel like it - those things are gifts (the things you learn, I mean), and they can be shared.
Happens to me regularly, and no, I'm not exaggerating. I never seem to get over things the way other people do. (Both good and bad, but mostly bad.)
Not knowing the exact situation makes it incredibly hard to give any advice at all. About two years ago I suffered a trama that was no ones fault and that no one could do anything about. The best piece of advice I got was: 'Don't try to get over it. Just try to live with it.' I know that I will never forget what happened, and how much it hurt. Sometimes it bothers me a lot, and at other times I can put it out of my mind.
I had a special year of my life spent with a friend. Great great great frigging times. times how a teenager supposed to be. Free and having fun. Sadly it ended.....in the worst way possible. Changed me forever. I'll never forget that year, but the way it ended means i don't really like to remember those great tiomes. Its too painful.
I have had a number of life-altering events. Some were tragic, others joyful. Every one of them has had both positive and detrimental consequences. But I like who I am now, ande have no reaql inclination to change any of them, even the most painful.
That's everyone, I think. I know there have been a number of events in my life which basically changed the person I was at the time. Some life events are simply really hard to let go of. I know it's been years since many of the memorable events have happened to me, yet I still find myself thinking about them constantly, as if they happened a week ago. Not the case. One was ten years ago. Another four. One within the last five months. It's these instances that help shape and mold us, whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, who knows? But it doesn't make you any different from anyone. We all have our flaws and regrets and bad memories.
I have never been able to write about this in any sort of effective way. I have tried, but never get anywhere. I find this sort of humorous, as I can talk about it just fine. Writing is somehow different. A few years back I went to the beach with a couple of friends to celebrate spring break. In most ways it was the perfect trip. I was at a weird point in my life and am not proud of the person I was; in retrospect I hate the person I was. I chose to sleep with my best friend's ex (who was staying with us) and then make sure he knew I had done it. We argued a bit the next day, and I left with us grumbling at each other. I figured we would get over things in a couple of days. That night (the night after I had hooked up with his ex) He drank himself to death. I know that I am responsible for his death. The people who were there with him that night said they had never seen him drinking like he was. I have not been to his grave nor spoken to his family since the funeral. Everyone tells me that it is not my fault, but its not how I feel. Last night started spring break and I was/am reflecting on that point in my life. I miss the guy and the guilt I have carried since that point has heavily impacted my life. I no longer feel the confidence I once had, I do not find joy in the things I used to. I can trace the feelings to their roots in my mind, but cannot move past them.
There is absolutely no way that you are responsible for his death! We all make our own choices in this life and his was to drink that night. You chose to sleep with his ex, but she chose to sleep with you too. If you blame yourself then isn't she to blame even more, for she would have known him better and would know how he would react? Yes it ended in him dying but that was nothing to do with you. He chose to drink and he, very sadly, died from the consequences. It sounds to me as though there was a lot more to it than you sleeping with his ex. Maybe he couldn't get over the break up of the relationship and couldn't bear to see that life was moving on for her. Maybe he'd been depressed for a long time but managed to hide it well. He's the only one who knows for sure and now nobody else will ever know. One life has been wasted. Don't go wasting yours as well honey. Yes it was an extremely sad event where you've lost a good friend and all that went with it but I certainly don't see it as being your fault in any way. For all you know he could have had other problems that contibuted to his drinking heavily that night. Would you blame yourself for them too? I think not. Ok, you can trace the feelings to their roots. So what does holding on to those feelings do to benefit you? Nothing, other than punishing yourself for something that wasn't even your fault in the first place. You are not to blame and he wouldn't want you to go on like this for something he did.
I wish it were that simple to leave it behind. It sneaks up on me sometimes. I'll be having a fine time, then all of a sudden something will trigger those memories. I know that I am not the only person responsible for his death; in fact there are many others who, likely, should be held much more accountable. Sadly we are always our own harshest critics. I have come to terms with it, but I'd not say I have 'moved on'. I often think I never will.
Lord. I understand. My grandfather died when I was 11, I'm 17 now. That is six years, six years and I cannot forget him. Worse he died when I was sleeping over at his place. The last actions he ever did with me, were read a story, hug me, and his last words to me that night was "goodnight" I too blame myself for his death as well. I also understand how hard it is to write about it, but to talk about it it's easier. Because when I'm writing it's to much of an emotional connection that I can't....I don't want to connect that way. My only advise is just to not linger on it. You just cannot torture yourself that way. You cannot linger on them, just try your hardest not to linger on the memories of dreaded darkness. And I'm no helpful advise.
