I'm writing from third-person omniscient, but I still "follow" the POV of a given character, and at times the narration flows as if from their thoughts. (Pretty common, but I need to establish this for the discussion.) When I was young, I tried to write a novel (never finished it) and I would often jump around between POV characters as it suited me. I recall one scene in particular that really pleased me, where each paragraph I jumped between POV characters. This was rather important because it showed how each character was confused and misinterpreting the other. (IIRC, it was two characters who didn't both speak the same language, not fluently at least.) I recall being very proud of this scene, although I don't know how I would feel about it today, since now I'm a bit further past that Dunning-Krueger peak. As I grew up I found that all the professional novels I was reading never switched POV characters within a chapter. (Or at least within a section divided by breaks.) There seems to be a rule about this, and I suspect that this rule is to keep the reader form being confused. Now I believe that one can break the rules, but only when one understands them perfectly. One must understand why the rule exists and balance the intent of the rule while re-writing its effect. I don't think I'm quite at that point. But where I am today, I am writing a scene that I feel would benefit greatly from switching the POV to follow one of the other characters for at least a portion of the scene, to show what's going on in their mind at that moment, because it shows more to see things from their perspective, while the rest of the scene should be shown from the protagonist's POV. So I want to ask, how does one switch POV's in the middle of a scene? How do I handle this in a way that won't be confusing to the reader? What are the other reasons this rule exists? How do I safely break this rule?
This is something I did a little study on a while back. I have a book called 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories, and there's a story in it that does exactly what you're asking about. I dug into it and realized the author used a method to transition between the POV's, by dropping out into a very external POV in between, and then sort of 'zooming in' on the other character through a brief sentence or two. Here's the post where I broke down how it was done: Is Alternative POV The Same As Game Of Thrones? And here's something that explains more about transitioning into and out of a POV: Switching between close and distant 3rd
If you're in the mood to read, check out some of Rumer Godden's work, especially Five for Sorrow, Ten for Joy and In This House of Brede.
I was about to post a new thread on this, but since my post is still the second from the top, perhaps I'll just add to this thread. I'd like some feedback/critique/help with this scene, regarding POV switching. I guess I'll just jump into it. This is toward the end of the scene; for three pages we've been following the main character (Amber) with her thoughts. (Context: after her first battle in the war, Amber is being debriefed while silently wrestling with her feelings. Amber appears to be a young girl but is actually a reincarnated man.) (Scene in progress) ********* Amber had mulled over these thoughts time and time again across the last several years, growing ever more bitter. And yet she had just spoken up to defend God. Why? After a moment of reflection, she realized that in this moment of turmoil she was still clinging to those beliefs, and a hope for something greater than herself. Maybe there still was some faith within her. She thought for a moment if perhaps she should squash those thoughts she was having. But truthfully... In this moment, it felt good to have something to cling to. It was an anchor within the raging seas of emotions within her. She didn't believe she could depend on that anchor, but... perhaps she could at least use it for today. Major Brandis faced Amber with two glasses in his hand. While Amber was lost in thought he had filled the second one with water. He presented her with the second glass. “Here, it feels weird to drink by myself, so I guess we'll just play pretend.” Amber took the glass and then raised it. The major followed suit. 'Still... I don't actually want to start drinking. I guess hiding behind religion is a good excuse for that.' “We've gone over the wreckage from the battle. The Norlans like to stamp little iron-wing decals on their platforms for each kill they make. It was quite an experienced squadron you faced. There were 19 kills among them, in total.” (skipping ahead; they review the battle and address the one soldier Amber had let get away.) (Major Brandis speaking) “Right. We need to find him, though. He was a mage, what color was his hair? We could tell everyone to be on the lookout for this man.” She looked back down at the orb and thought once again of her encounter with Weston. She could see his trembling expression as he gripped his arm. “Please, I have a daughter...” he said, fear filling his eyes, “the same age as you...” 'Same age as me. Yeah, I doubt that.' Amber thought for a moment. “His hair was dark blue. And... He had a birthmark on his face, he'd be real easy to recognize.” “A birthmark? Where?” “Over his eye; it was on his left eyebrow.” She pointed up at her own eyebrow with her left hand. Then suddenly she jumped in surprise. “Oh! No, that would be his right, sorry, a birthmark on his right eyebrow.” “Well, I guess we know what to look for.” Brandis stared at the child for a moment, still unsure if he should be treating her as a child or as a soldier. For the past week she had shown such remarkable maturity, and it was easy to think of her as a soldier. But in this moment of frailty it was hard to brush her off with a statement of 'it's best not to think about it' like he usually told his men. Finally Brandis stated “The survivor aside, you did good work.” He started to walk back to his footlocker when the child reached out and grabbed his sleeve. He paused for a moment. The child took a sharp breath as she looked up at him, her listless expression finally tore apart into anguish. She cried out “I pretended they were all game pieces!” Brandis balked. “Game pieces?” “Like chess or-or Warhammer or–” she momentarily put her hand over her face. “No forget that one, I mean like chess or like they were a game played with little toy soldiers. I just pretended they were all just pieces, like we were all playing a game. I just thought of games I used to play.” Her voice became choked up and tears began slipping from her eyes. “But it's not a game! They were people! They could bleed, and they died! They had families!” Brandis looked at her in silence for a moment. Maybe it would be the wrong thing to do, but... 'No, we need soldiers here.' He stiffened his posture and narrowed his eyes. “You're right; they did have families. But do you know who else has families?” He swept his arm around. “Everyone here! These men all have families, too! These men all can bleed, too! And if we don't fight, they will lose their lives, and all the men we have already lost will have died for nothing!” Darkwood clenched her teeth, her face still filled with anguish. “I know; that's the whole reason I joined the Army to begin with. It's just...” Her lips narrowed and she tried to make her face as stoic as she could, though not with much success. “...I'm going to be an officer. Is it really right for me to be seeing soldiers as pieces, as toys?” Brandis shook his head. “These weren't your soldiers; this was the enemy.” She paused a moment and then wiped her face with her sleeve. “...Right.” 'He wouldn't understand. I don't care about Argan lives or Norlan lives; I just wanted to save everyone. But he can't understand that.' She took a small breath and tried to regain her composure. “I just didn't know it would be like this.” The major nodded. “I get it, I've been there myself. It... gets easier, over time. And the next time, it won't be like this.” He picked up Amber's empty glass. “Do you regret joining the Army?” Amber looked back at Weston's orb. “...No, not exactly. I have regrets, but that's not one of them.” The major's mouth almost made a smile. “Good. Then remember why you joined; always keep that at the forefront of your mind when you begin to question what you are doing.” Amber nodded and made a non-verbal thank-you. 'At this point, I really only have one regret.' Amber looked up from the orb and stared off into space. 'I regret not watching the road; I regret never noticing that I had drifted into the other lane; I regret that I turned the wheel too sharply and drove us off the road. That's my only real regret.' She let out a sigh. 'Seriously, how hard did I turn the wheel? I went straight from almost hitting that truck to going past the shoulder...' (End of scene) *********** So, after three pages of showing Amber's thoughts, we switch to being in the Major's head, and then switch back to Amber. Amber's POV is critical; the scene is about Amber and her wrestles with her emotions. Also her thoughts at the end are a segue to the next scene (which is a flashback to the end of Amber's past life.) But for this one section, I feel like the scene works better from the major's POV, just for a couple lines to show his conflict. This is his only scene ever, so I'd like to show that conflict to make him more grounded. I try to handle the transition by having a little bit of space where technically the scene isn't anyone's POV. But is this enough? Or is the transition still jarring? *I* can follow it because I wrote it and I know what is going on, but I can't say the same for the reader. Also, most of my paragraphs in any scene are the same "technically no one's POV" so the "neutral" POV won't seem different compared to anywhere else in the story. Is there a better way to handle this POV change? Should I be dropping it entirely and keep a consistent POV for each scene? Or does it actually work here?
A beta reader I worked with told me that third-person omniscient has been out of style for decades. He also said that you should avoid head-hopping as much as possible.
I did something like this recently, by breaking the scene in one POV. And starting a new scene from another. Brief scene then a break and back to the original POV. The first break I did as a cliff hanger. The second section was another character organizing the rescue. The back to the first POV for the climax.
I've done that before, but it's not always possible; it could have some adverse effects on the pacing and flow. In the scene I posted above, for example, adding two scene breaks in there would be more egregious than the head-hopping I did.
It is your work, do what you will. Personally, when I work, I focus on a product that won't go from slush pile to circular filing cabinet.
I think a good decision to make is whether or not you're going to be more or less fully omniscient (head hopping within scenes) or not throughout the book and stick to that choice. Personally I think it hurts immersion when done intra-scene. When I'm reading, I like to be settled in to a good third-limited. Terry Pratchett and lots of older authors get away with that kind of head-hopping... but I still don't personally like it. The smaller questions are: If the character does indeed need to be more developed, why doesn't he have his own POV scene? Is showing his conflict from within the only way to go about it? He could demonstrate it with uncharacteristic hesitation or self-correction, something the observant heroine picks up on. But I can't stress enough that the primary, overarching decision needs to be locked in so that you can focus on the necessary structure arrangements in order to accomplish what you want. Is consistent limited more likely to sell? It appears to be the modern choice in commercial sci-fi/fantasy. I would say yes over all. Which one do you prefer after having read all kinds of stories? Think about what you've read, what you've preferred.
I thought about this, but the problem there is that in this moment she's far to caught up in her emotions to be able to notice anything like that. The statement I keep falling back to is "Only when you understand the rules completely, you can break them." The rules exist for a reason, and following them is how the inexperienced keep from hurting themselves. But you can always find exceptions to the rules, and find these occasions where people break the rules and produce something great. But such masterful rule-breaking comes from people who understand them so well that they can balance them out, maintain the intention of the rules, and altogether present it in a way that still works. Head hopping can be done; there's a way to do it. Maybe if I could find the right examples I might be able to figure out a way to get it to work. But maybe it would come at a cost this story cannot pay.
It's only a 'rule' if you're adhering to limited 3rd POV. As soon as you 'break' that rule, you simply change the style of POV in the story. It's not something imposed arbitrarily, rather, it's a functional parameter. You can do it exactly as you've likely read it in other stories. That's not a problem. The only point of friction is simply deciding if your story will have that kind of head hopping or not (which makes it an omniscient 3rd POV— again, not necessarily common for genre fiction, but no one's going to imprison you for it). It's like deciding whether you're going to drive a standard or an automatic.
Yes, in omniscient of course you get full 'head-hopping' access to everyone's POV immediately. It just requires shifting into that above-it-all omniscient POV and establishing right off the bat that you'll be dipping into the heads of various characters frequently and jumping from one to another willy-nilly, sometimes in a single sentence. I think I've been suffering from a basic misunderstanding concerning omniscient though. I first ran across an explanation of it in John Gardner's Art of Fiction, where he praises it to high heaven and says essentially it's the only POV even worth using at all, after dumping on each of the others methodically and thoroughly. And he did state that it's a requirement to head-hop (I don't think it's really called that if you're in omniscient). But he left me with the impression that oit means moving into each eprson's POV and perhaps remaining there for some time, like maybe a chapter or at least a scene. But now I've just finished Orson Scott Card's Elements of Fiction Writing—Characters & Viewpoint, where he gives a different approach. In his examples the omniscient POV dips into character's heads, but only briefly, often two or more in a single sentence, and it never goes fully deep. More shallowly, like "Little did Trevor realize how much contempt Becky actually had for him underneath her guise of joking playfulness. He mistook it for her actual personality when it was merely a mask she used to put people at ease while sounding them out and probing for weaknesses." I assumed it actually rotated through a full-deep POV for each one for some time, more like"Trevor searched Becky's eyes for some semblance of the playful attitude he had come to rely on from her, but it was no longer to be found. Had he been taken in by a mere surface persona, and invested his trust in her foolishly while she was manipulating him? Wounded pride burned slowly in his gut as the realization sank in. God, what a fool he'd been. No wonder she laughed at even his lamest jokes, but always looked away. She was probably laughing at him rather than at his wit, and just twisted it to her own advantage."—and then we remain in his head for maybe a full page or more. I need to go back and look at a few omniscient stories, it's been a long time since I've read one. I know I have the Hunchback somewhere. Or I could pick up A Tale of Two Cities or something on the Kindle. Moby Dick—that must be in omniscient, and I've defintely got it. Maybe I'm confusing omniscient with rotating limited third.
@Xoic -- I think the Card's take on omniscient is more accurate or understandable when it comes to this POV. That's my take on it anyway. I also think omniscient takes a good amount of skill and practice to get right. It's not a ticket to do whatever you want. Writing in omniscient can be quite a challenge. You still have to be aware of consistency with any POV. And you are right that it is only called head hopping when it's a bad thing. The rules aren't there to learn and then break. They are there to help you. Following writing rules does not mean you are conforming to whatever or that you're going to produce a cookie-cutter story. Following these sort of rules helps the flow and clarity of your writing. I probably understand all the writing rules, but that doesn't mean I can or should break them. Why would I when they have truly helped me write publishable material? I can't say for sure that I have never broken a writing rule, but I honestly can't remember. Well, that's not completely true. I'm big on sentence fragments, but I'm not actually sure that's a writing rule when it comes to creative work. I can't stress enough that the rules are to help us out and provide clarity in our prose which in turn produces a better story. POV rules are ones I follow completely. Personally, I would find another way to say something or get the information across before breaking a POV rule. Sure, there are always going to be exceptions. But you don't need to break writing rules to write exceptional stories. My goals with writing have always included publishing at a certain level in literary journals. Following the so-called writing rules has only helped me when it comes to that. And my guess is that if you feel like you have to break a rule, there's a good chance you might not fully understand the rule or what it actually does for your writing to follow POV rules. All of my novels have been in first person, and this is partly because I fear head hopping which can ruin and otherwise good story. Again, when you say head hopping it's not a good thing. The truth is, I have no reason to break convention when it comes to POV in anything I write. I feel like it would only hurt me when it comes to getting published. When I do write in third I am very careful and go over my work many times looking for any inconsistencies with the POV. And I do catch places where I stray or switch into another character's POV when writing in third. But, for me, the answer has always been to catch these things rework them to fall inline with my chosen POV for the story. When the prose have clarity it allows readers to focus on and not be pulled out of the story. And that's the reason POV rules (or guidelines) exist.
