This issue has been on my mind of late. Smacking kids..... The media have been focusing on this issue for a while and it seems there are alot of people out there who concider a smack on the backside to be borderline grevious bodily harm. Im not a mother myself, but i do have an army of cousins, nephews and nieces that have all been placed in my care at some point. Now I admit that I firmly believe in giving a good smack on the backside or the back of the thigh, I have never, and will never smack a child anywhere else, and Ive only ever given one smack after a few warnings. The government is thinking of making smacking against the law and if cought striking a child you can be taken to court soon. Any one else have a view or opinion in this matter?
I was raised to , in my grandfather's words, apply the hand of correction to the seat of learning. Ultimately I think I was hit maybe three times in my life - that was more than enough.
I will remove this thread at the first sign of flames or even smoke. I believe that sometimes it's important to get a child's attention NOW, particularly if the child is doing something dangerous.
Yes. *this coming from someone who doesn't like kids* Ignore me. But I do have to say hitting a kid will makes things a bit more clearer. I don't like the whole "you're getting a time-out, mister" speech. I mean, after a while, the kids going to know they're gonna get out sooner or later. They just need to not go insane before that time comes. But if ya hit them...I doubt they'd want that to happen again. So whatever they're doing wrong will quit. Hopefully. Unless they're masochist. Then you've got a problem.
Sometimes a teeny tiny bit of discipline to keep a child in line (I have two younger brothers) is necessary. But never do it in public, because that can be scarring. Also, don't go all overboard, i mean, all kids do dumb things sometimes, it's in thier nature. So don't go all Chef Ramsey on them. Punishment and Reward, works on mercenaries, works on children.
Smacking works. A good spanking gets the point across very well, but I would say its something to be used sparingly, not overbearingly. Too much and you get scared children. Of course, I think its perfectly possible to raise good kids without smacking. Parenting styles I suppose.
I was smacked, slappped, caned and strapped as a child. This by parents, grandparents and teachers, I'm glad too, it worked. Didn't happen often, because it didn't need to, it gets the message over well. Perfectly natural too, watch a dog with its puppies or a cat with its kittens, you'll see them give their young ones a quick nip or a paw when they get out of line. Al
I'm not against the time-out thing, but I think that some kids need some kind of immediate, direct and physical consequence, rather than just a three minute time-out. I was smacked only once in my life, and now I know I deserved it and it did me some good.
the main reason they are wanting to do this is because some parents take to their children with cords, spoons, slippers, etc. Parents can be rather brutal to their children when applying punishment. I know I tend to punish my children with a tap on the behind, but I do not believe in applying enough pressure that it will actually cause the child pain. It should just be enough pressure that they feel it. I have found that if you give them a small tap so they feel it, and then make a loud noise on your own leg, or stomp your foot, that it has far more effect. But I prefer the PP methods. Positive Parenting methods that is. It is far more effective and I find that it helps children to better understand authority. Smacking a child is not going to teach them right from wrong, explaining to a child that their actions are wrong is, in my opinion, a better way of going about it. Positive parenting methods do work. Just most people are sceptical. It might take a bit longer than a smacked behind, but in the long run, isn't it better that we try to teach our children that it is better to sit down and talk things out, rather than resorting to violence? I mean, to me, if you smack a child for doing something wrong, doesn't that give them the idea that if someone else does something wrong, that they need to be smacked as well??? Just my thoughts on this anyway. I don't mean any offence by this. Sorry if anyone sees it that way.
I only remember being spanked once, and one time my mother gave me a good slap to the back of my head when I accidentally kicked my shoe over a fence, but it gets the point across. You seepeople doing it the wrong way in all those nanny shows where the kids are insane. Either the parents use the time out thing, which isn't really that much of a punishment if the kid is smart enough, or they go whaling away on their kids for no reason. Moderation is the key! But yes, I decently deserved the head smack.
Some kids I know could use a good black-eye or two... I believe if a kid really messes up you should be able to apply the correct amount of punishment with thine fists. But someone who beats their children is way crossing the line.
A little tap on the head should be about it. Of course, if your kid does something big (like rape) I'd recommend a unhealthy amount of violence. But really, slapping rules: 1) Tap on head, or a light slap on the cheek 2) Never in public 3) Only when counseling doesn't help 4) Probably never in your entire life, if you're a good parent EDIT: For some reason, this topic seems to be a taboo. Why?
Ok i do agree with a smake on the hand or bottom depending how old you are my son is 16 months old so when he does something wrong yes i give him a tap on the hand and say no firmly so he will understand that what he is doing wrong, at the moment i can't really inforce positive parenting myself but i do agree with you there tor but after they have had 2 warnings i will smake and explain in a calm voice why they got that smake. I feel that yes ok some other methods work for a little while but what about the long run you can't expect a child to understand that they have done something wrong by putting them into a corner for how ever many minutes they need to learn via a tap on the bottom and to be told why don't get me wrong i am not saying abuse the child just hard enough that they can feel the tiny sting and know that if they do it again that is what they are going to get... My mother was the one that always hit us and we understood why it happened and learnt from it the first time, but these kids that don't get hit are just going to keep getting away with it, you look at the kids these days that are spoiled smart mouthed have no respect for anyone and think they can get away with anything..... Sorry if i have affended anyone.....
I agree with you there shadow, Children who do not recieve punishment tend to walk all over their parents and have little or no respect for their elders, naughty corners can work if enforced properly, meaning that some parents threaten their children with punishment over and over again and never end up doing anything, then the child realises that its just not going to happen so they keep going, then on the occasion that the parent does follow through with the punishment the child does not understand why they are being punished and will not understand the method in which they are being punished. eg. if you threaten to place your child in the corner all the time but only do it on occasion, then the child has no idea why they are in the corner and will continue to get up and run away over and over again.
I don't agree with smacking the hands of a young child. You look at their hands and they are so small and delicate and it would be so easy to burst a blood vessel. Plus, their bones are still developing at that stage in life, so really I think if you were to smack a child, the bottom would be the safest best. Specially toddlers. I mean the sound of the nappy being smacked has far more impact then pain... that is my thoughts anyways.
yeah i wouldnt smack their hands either like i said before i only ever smack the bottom or the back of the thigh.
never hit the back of the head. I had a constant headache for as long as I can remember. Getting hit on the back of the head (my father called it a cuff) was the excruciating pain you can ever remember. It is the one punishment I would never give a child or adult for that matter. I do believe in a smack on the bottom. My 2 boys only ever got 3 of them. Their father did it and they knew why he did it. Once in a moment of frustration I slapped Dom across the face. He was swearing and I was not feeling well so when the word came out my hand struck. I immediately sat on the floor crying. Dom came and was hugging me and patting my back telling me. "mommy, it didn't hurt me much. I won't say that ever again." He was 3 and until he hit the age of 20 he never did use that word in my presence again. I also bit him one day. He had been on a biting kick for about 3 weeks. Finally when he bit me I took his finger and bit it. He told me it hurt and I showed him my finger with the bite marks and said I know. He kissed it better and said he was sorry. problem solved. I won't say they were perfect solutions but he still loves us and he is a very nice young man. I am proud of both the boys for the way they have made their way in the world despite what we as parents may have done or not done to help them on their way. If you hit the hands of a small child use the palm not the back. the noise is greater and that is the main thing to get their attention not to hurt them which you could do badly by hitting the back of the hand. Look at the veins that are there.
Just a comment here about the back of the thigh. Did you know that men who abuse and beat their wives girl friends and women at large use the back of the thigh as a target. It is so the bruising doesn't show no matter what the woman wears. I know you wouldn't beat a child but the bruising does occur even if it isn't showing. It is so fleshy there that it is deep tissue bruising and causes a great deal of pain.
I have found smacking doesn't work with my children anyways. They just seemed to get worse and worse...but there is back ground to that and it is why I don't like to smack...I won't go into the details.... I have found that calmly talking to them works so much better. Mase used to do a few things that were really bad and talking to him like he was an equal, in a calm tone, really worked and he hasn't done those few really bad things since then. He is a very smart little boy and understands so much more than people give him credit for... One thing I HATE is seeing people kick children! That is a NO GO! It infuriates me so much! Frost, while you may have learnt your lesson, I believe that using a spoon, etc, is just like taking to a child with a weapon. To me it serves no purpose.
My point exactly. To me, smacking is wrong. Full stop. In one way, it's not really fair. Ever been taught to treat people the way you want to be treated? It's the way my mum brought me up. She swears at me, I'll swear at her back. She knows that, she screams, I scream and maybe it is wrong but in my book it's pretty fair. By smacking a child, you're teaching a child that if you hit her, she can hit you when you're annoying her. Or even somebody else. Don't get me wrong, I probably wouldn't hit my mum if she hit me. She'd knock my head straight off but still, the point still exists. You're teaching that violence is okay and really it's not. It kinda goes down to the whole is Capital Punishment right or wrong argument in a way also if you think about it.
I am not about to be flaming anyone Just setting out some things I have noticed. I was raised in a family that would spank, ground curse swear and throw things at children. But a couple of those things were done in almost every house I was ever visiting. We grew up with some badly damaged adults but they were a minority. Most of us have gone on to raise our children with a smack on the bottom. But some have gone even farther: they do not smack, scold, discipline in any way shape or form that does any good. Kids now say if a parent hollers at them "I can call children's aid and get you put in jail." what can a parent do against that. Because the child is right. We are letting the government or the well meaning but clueless scholars take over our jobs. (raising well adjusted children). We have street gangs who even the police cannot punish. We have so many children raising children simply because it is a form of rebellion to their parents who may have had them as a form of protest against society or parents. I am not advocating corporal punishment, far from it. What I am saying is Parents know their children better than joe blow psychologist down at city hall. Let them raise their children as they see fit. Unless they step over the line and start abusing them. A smack on the bottom stings for a few minutes and embarrasses a bit longer. But it is not life threatening or traumatizing. It gets their attention. I was being interviewed for a job of working for a few hours a week with a mentally handicapped child. I was asked what I would do if the child threw a temper tantrum in a store. I said I would pick her up and carry her out of the store. Shock on the faces. You wouldn't attempt to reason with her. No because you cannot reason with a child while they are screaming. So pick them up and remove them to a place less confusing. Needless to say I did not get the job but I did see the child many times in the stores screaming at the top of her lungs and the poor attendant trying to reason with her. Each child is different and they need to be handled differently. You just have to have the patience to figure out what that way is.
I once worked in a child care centre, when I first started i was introduced to the oldest children there, the 4-5 year old room. there were 3 aboriginal boys there, all adopted and all from horrendous homes, one child was also physically scarred all over. I was told that two of these three boys were all trouble makers and very hard to reason with, the other refused to speak to the carers or play with the other children. I first found the quiet one playing alone in the sandpit, so I sat down beside him and helped him to build castles and showed him how to do some cool things with sand, when i had gained his trust, i was able to take him by the hand and lead him into other areas of the playground, like the swings and slides atc, i did this every day and after a week or so he was laughing, playing and running around with the other children, the other carers told me it was a waste of time and to just leave him alone, my were they shocked with how much he came out of his shell in just one week of showing him that he could trust adults and it was ok to play with other children, he had nmever known this as a result of his childhood and horrid home life before adoption. The two terrors; I was horrified by how nasty the carers were to these two boys, one in particular, both came from extremely violent homes and as they knew only violence, there was bloodshed and tears every day, so the carers used to yell at them constantly, grab them by the wrist and pretty much throw them into a corner. i was told this was the only way to get through to them. the worst of the two, was so violent. He did not understand what being nice or having respect was as he had been physically and verbally abused every day of his 4 years of life. when he harmed another child, or even me, instead of yelling at him and chucking him in the corner, i would gently take him to the side, and in a soft voice, ask him why he done what he had done, and then explain to him why he must not do it. .eg. If he hit a child over the head with a block whilst playing, i would say to him " do you like it when the other children hit you?" he would say no and i would say " well the other children dont like it when you hit them either, because if you make them sad they wont want to play with you will they?" he would shake his head and go and give the upset child a hug and say sorry. The older carers didnt get why he was so attached to me after just a few days. Anyway I just wanted to throw that in there as i felt it was relevent to my thread. Children are like sponges, they absorb....and they are also parrots..they mimic, therefore whatever they are exposed to in the early stages of their life is what they are going to accept as a way of life.
I am trained to work with mentally handicapped people. from severely to moderately. I used much the same approach you did with the abused boys. It works if you have the patience. Fortunately I do and did. But some of my co-workers used punishment and outright abuse. I burned out quickly just from fighting them by trying to undo the things they had done. Children are sponges and some of the things they absorb go against what the parents and society try to teach. You then have to get their attention to bring them back into the fold. Sometimes this can be done by kindness and attention. Other times it takes the smack on the bottom. Before they become too old and set in their violent ways.
