The title pretty much says it all. There's a character in a book I plan on writing, and I wanted to have her suffer depression, and ultimately try and commit suicide. The reason for this is that she killed her sister. It's complicated, and has to do a lot with her past, but the murder wasn't accidental. However, it wasn't premeditated either, and was more like manslaughter. It haunts her to this day (for context, she was eleven when this happened, and is currently sixteen), and is constantly plagued with suicidal thoughts. I do have some experience, as I have had suicidal thoughts in the past (they're long gone now, so don't worry), though I thought it would be nice to get a second opinion, as I imagine it's different for everyone. If anyone has any suggestions as to how to portray this, I would be glad.
It depends on whose perspective you're trying to show this from. A good deal of people that have suicidal tendencies don't appear to be suicidal to others and generally only display some indicators that it's a possibility. Of course every case is different, so filling out your characters personality would be a pretty important step, as well as finding some material on the subject by one or more qualified professionals.
If you haven't already, I'd google the topic and start reading. I found this blog, which contains some VERY interesting points about writing a fictional character with depression. http://hannahheath-writer.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/how-to-write-characters-with-depression.html
I would also think that, for a teenager, whose brain and emotional development are still growing and changing, it would be different in some ways than adults, so look for info that's specific to the age of the character. The passage of time feels different to a teen than to an adult, for example, so their perspective on the future is different. When you're 16, 18, even 20, a year or two feels like forever. "This too shall pass" is a concept that comes later.
I suffer from clinical depression and suicidal thoughts. I go to therapy, I've tried medication, abused substances. The three above comments are spot on. -Many people who are suicidal or even just depressed, do not have an outward appearance that would indicate it to others. So one thing you might try with your character is put them in conversations and situations where they say one thing, but you - the author - reveal them thinking the complete opposite. Have them consciously fake a smile, or feign excitement. I myself had to go through much of my life with a mask, whether for something important like a job interview, or because I don't want to be a burden on my friends and family, or because I don't want to be a buzzkill at a party, or because I feel misunderstood and don't know how to convey my thoughts and feelings. The problem with acting like this, is that you don't feel any better, and in the long term it makes things a lot worse. -Regarding jannert's suggestion, do general research and also talk with people who suffer from depression and suicide. You could even have them beta read. -As for what Shenanigator said above, I agree that in some ways my condition has gotten easier as I've gotten older. Perspective does play its fair share. However, without actively trying to sort yourself out, without trying to understand your condition, without seeking help, and without trying to improve your life instead of letting your depression drown you, I highly doubt that simply "getting older" is a sufficient remedy. At best it might mean your hormones are more well balanced and your brain is fully developed. (as an aside, depression actually harms your brain if it's severe enough, which can be extremely detrimental for a young person such as myself who hasn't even finished growing) Have things that "trigger" your character (oh how I hate that fucking word); maybe every time your character hangs out with her bestfriend and her bestfriend's sister it causes a stress response and an intense feeling of loss, or jealousy because your main character doesn't have a sister anymore, or maybe the bestfriend's sister reminds your main character of her own sister which makes your main character protective of her because she wants to right her past wrongs, or something like that. The thought-process of a person with depression is not just graced with negativity, but also oftentimes with "catastrophizing". This is where obstacles in life are not dealt with at the proper DEFCON level, so to speak. Everything goes straight to DEFCON 1, which is "I should kill myself" instead of "launch the nukes". In therapy, you work on properly confining problems to their true level of analysis. Getting a bad grade shouldn't immediately make you feel like there's something wrong with you and that you are honestly a worthless human being. It's for this reason that sometimes people suffering from depression may come across as dramatic. Lastly, perhaps try having your character face stigma for their condition. There's a lot of it out there in the real world. Sorry for the long-winded post, -Kyle
Asking how to write something always strikes me as a little strange. I'm not sure how is the write word because I don't think you tell you exactly how to write. Maybe I'm just not getting it. But I will say this -- write something honest. True. I'm not saying to tell your story or anyone's story, I'm telling you to include truth in your fiction. Allow whatever you are making up to become real for a little bit. Write it real. Good luck!
That bit certainly resonates with me. A very close friend of mine gets treated (periodically) for depression. Her depression is usually linked to something real that has happened, something that's stressful and not good ...and wouldn't be good for anybody. However, she tends to magnify it, by imagining all the worst case scenarios there could possibly be. For example, a grandson of hers was diagnosed with psoriasis (a fairly mild outbreak) and by the time she'd finished telling me about it, the poor lad had no friends, his face frightened children on the street, he would no longer be able to appear in public, he would get bullied at school and would be too downhearted to pass his exams, would never have a girlfriend, never marry ...and his life was ruined. All this in the space of about 10 minutes. Of course none of the above happened—in fact, the opposite did (although he and his girlfriend aren't married yet, but they HAVE set a date) but she imagined it would. It was difficult to respond to this, although it turned out I didn't need to. She finished the whole spiel, started crying, stopped, then said ...I'm just being negative, aren't I? I said ...Well, I do suspect you're over-reacting a bit. He's a cool guy. He'll cope. It's as if her ability to react to any sort of setback is badly impaired by this depression. She also tends to make really bad impulsive decisions about things that later need to be undone. She took most of her favourite antiques and keepsakes to an auction house (on impulse, because she wanted to give her grandchildren money) and then realised the mistake. It was quite a hassle getting most of the stuff back. She also booked an expensive holiday she didn't actually want to go on, and it was quite a palaver getting out of it, and getting most of her money back. When she's not in a depressed phase, she's actually very sensible, so this kind of thing is definitely related to the depression.
First off, I wish you the best of luck with your condition. I don't suffer from depression, but I do know what it's like to feel suicidal, and I've certainly felt the feelings you've listed here. These are very good suggestions, and I can tell you speak from experience. The character I've been working on does suffer from substance abuse, and mostly uses sarcasm in an attempt to hide her pain. She's kind of a hothead, which is how she ended up killing her sister in the first place (I probably should've clarified that it's her older sister), and hates it when people talk behind her back (for example, spreading the false rumor that she's a cutter). Another thing about her is that she has very low self esteem (even before she killed her sister), mostly due to her lack of intelligence (she suffers from learning disabilities), and her parent's constant criticism of her. Her best friend is a girl two years younger than her, who is a more rational person (as rational as a fourteen year old can be anyways), and is ultimately the one who talks her out of suicide. As for triggers (completely agree with you on that word), I would imagine she would be nervous around guns, as she shot her sister in the head. Also, no need to apologize for the long post. I love hearing other people's perspective on issues, and it was a very interesting read.
It sounds like you've got yourself a good character in the works! I have a couple questions, out of curiosity. It's clear to me that part of the story is her attempting suicide, or at least planning to. But what exactly is your character's goal or motivation beyond that? Is it to come to terms with what she did? Is she the only one who knows that she killed her sister (I guess I'm wondering if she went to prison or not)? Glad I could be of some help.
Good questions. Her motivation actually has to do with a crime that her sister committed. You see, her sister was actually part of an black market organization that distributed bio weapons. Their most famous one was a virus that her sister created, that could supposedly even kill gods (yeah this story is kind of complicated, and takes place in an alternate Earth). Even though she's dead, her virus is still being distributed throughout the criminal underworld, and is causing massive problems throughout the world. The character ran away from home after she killed her sister, so she never ended up going to prison, and eventually joined up with a mafia. In her mind, she might be able to atone for her crime if she can rid the world of the virus her sister created, which is why she wants to move further up in the underworld, and track down every person who purchased it. Her suicidal thoughts would hit her hard in a story I have planned in which she returns to her home country.
I would suggest this. Write a character that is obviously struggling to be normal but don't hammer it home every time an opportunity pops up. Actually I would only give a gentle reminder every fifth or sixth time an opportunity presents itself, if that. You don't want to have the reader going "Yea I got it she's sad" and once you have established it I would start taking it to the next level. By that I mean having the line between reality and terrible nightmares slowly start to unravel but write it to where even the reader begins to question if what they just read was real or the mind of someone who is suicidal. I fell that sort of a way not only allows the tension to build while the story goes on but it also helps get the reader to care about the character. And from there you have such a strong foundation you can practically take it anywhere. Hope it helps.
Just to be really clear incase anyone who is suffering from depression misunderstood what I was saying, I was in no way implying that simply getting older would fix it without getting help. I wrote the above from my perspective, having been a depressed 20-year old who was actively making a plan to not make it to 21, who got help. The passage of time, and the difference in perspective of time does this: it gives you hope, because you have survived and triumphed over more things, so you know you can get through it. It gives you solid evidence that you can get through whatever, which gives you something extra to hang onto when you're struggling. That's what I was trying to say. Because that's what it is: a feeling of utter, bone crushing hopelessness; you feel certain that things will never get better. It's been a very long time since I wanted to not be on the planet anymore, or felt hopelessness, so if anyone is in that place, yes, it can get better with hard work and time.
I'm writing about a character who is suicidal as well. Here's some thoughts/suggestions from me: -I absolutely do agree with things "triggering" your character, but I also disagree to an extent. My MC's suicidal thoughts started after a car accident that killed his father, and he blames him and his brother for causing the accident. So, what I have done is have some "triggering" things. Cars, even though they took his dad's life and almost killed him, do not trigger him, and he can drive without problems. However, seeing photos of his dad does bring up those memories of when he had a "good" life, therefore reminding him of how terrible his life is now, and how he would like to end it at times. Basically, what I'm trying to say is don't make everything "triggering" to your character. -Try not to be so blatant about it. I guess this is where "show, don't tell" comes into play. There's some times where you're going to tell it, sure, but try often to just show it through the character's actions and things like that. (ex: reckless driving, taking risks, giving things away, etc) -Make sure your character has SOMETHING to hold onto, something that's keeping them alive. Even if it's something small. A mere thought is sufficient. My MC's reason is poetry, and eventually he falls in love. -Make sure you show it either getting better or worse. -Know what kinds of comments people say that aren't good to say to people who are suicidal, and know the comments that people should say to them. This is pretty easily found on google. These are just some things I thought of off the top of my head. Hope they were of some help.
