Let me preface this with this disclaimer: I am NOT looking for critiques of my writing here and trying to get around the Workshop. I just need a question answered. I wrote this scene with another scene or two (from a popular book series) as the inspiration. I just want to know if this reminds you strongly of an already published scene or two, bc I am not trying to copy, just draw inspiration. I really liked how those characters were portrayed. I'm not going to tell you what I drew from, bc I don't want to put it in your head. Just....does it sound familiar? “Kaelie, I don’t think you understand the severity of this. Nothing, I repeat, nothing, gives a recruit or an initiate the right to be out of the barracks after curfew. We are responsible for your safety, and we take that responsibility very seriously. It’s not always safe out there for the Roses, as I’m sure you learned from your experience on your last free day.” At Kaelie’s startled look, she nodded. “Yes, I know all about your little encounter with the Beastlords initiates. Rider Vastel informed me and apologized, though I would have rather have heard it from you.” Kaelie bit her lip. It had never even occurred to her to tell Evalynne about the Beast Lords harassing her. And Deagan had apologized for it? What was he playing at? “After everything you went through to get here- your father’s death, the attempted ambush on the road-- it seems a pretty poor repayment of that effort.” Kaelie dug a toe into the floorboards, her cheeks hot. Evalynne was right. The Roses were her only known heritage from her mother, and her father had died thanks to her involvement with them. How could she have been so stupid to risk throwing it all away for a single night of fun?
Lol, no. If it's not noticeable, then I'm probably just making a mountain out of a molehill, which I am prone to do.
The problem is that there are so many possibilities of what the inspiring work could be that any guess could just be a stab in the dark. How popular is the original work?
I’m guessing the work is some fantasy series, so no, it doesn’t remind me of anything. Is the inspiration series a fantasy?
While it doesn't remind me of a particular scene in a particular movie or book, the whole thing does feel quite a bit like a cliché, to be honest. Everyone is told to stay put, but the hero(es) sneak out anyway, for whatever reason. And often ends up in danger because of it. "Curfew? Doesn't apply to me." That the bad guy/rival/whatever knows about it doesn't really help, either. Of course, I don't mean to sound rude or anything. I'm just saying it's hardly the most original plot twist I've seen in a while. Might want to try to find another spin of it, perhaps.
I know you didn't ask for critiques but the dialogue doesn't sound natural...sentences too gramatically correct and long for "real life".
Curfews make me think of Harry Potter, though I wouldn’t say Rowling has exclusive ownership over the concept.
