You do and finish the novel, but two weeks later you lose it and, for some reason, just can't motivate yourself to write it again. I wish I could stay motivated to stay on one project.
Biggabobbanut! You are now incredibly motivated to stay on one project, but unfortunately it is washing the dishes. You wash and re-wash the dishes, until the patterns are polished off your plates and the sharp ends of your forks wear smooth. Family, friends, and neighbours feel sorry for you; they bring you dishes to wash. Which you do with gusto. Your mother leaves food and drink beside the sink, and brings a bucket for your bodily waste. Despite the listing in the Guinness Book of Records, they miss having you in their lives. I wish I could make the perfect sandwich.
This feels like a battle of wills now You make the prefect sandwich. But people want your perfect sandwich. Why the hell should you enjoy it alone? You are attacked by an angry mob who steal your sandwich and fight one another into a bloodbath of Biblical proportions (as in the Bible involves many evil bloodbaths and God must be a shit... oops). I wish I could have a cup that fills with whatever beverage I choose.
Your wish is my command. You now own a cup that fills magically with whatever beverage you can imagine, but you have no clue where the hell you left the damn thing. Plus it can't overflow or spill, so there's no hope of sniffing it out that way. I wish I had a saddle that fits my horse so I could ride her again.
You do, but it's got barbs that hurt both you and your horse when you sit on it. I wish I had a distant relative who died of natural causes, and secretly left me a small fortune that they earned legitimately.
They did. But they infected you with their natural... oh hang on... the small fortune is so small it barely fits their diminutive wallet. It is a dollar and 50 cents... the literal bankrupt 50 cents, and he is a monumental dick. Have fun with him. I wish that my legs could work in concert to achieve the speed of a Cheetah.
Your sprint speed matches that of a Cheetah. However, since you lack any experience maneuvering at such speeds, you immediately misstep and break your ankle. I wish I had more space in my apartment to display my bone collection.
Babbitybooblei! You have space in your apartment. Unfortunately, it's inky between planets vacuum space with no oxygen, and you can't breath. Strangely, your cat appears to be unaffected. I wish that they would invent an artificial sweetener that tastes just like sugar.
They did, but its carcinogenic effects turn you into a mere wisp of a person, irradiated and probed. If you survive this you will be drinking full fat coke in the future, with gusto. I wish that I had the freedom to dress like a woman, without odd stares.
Bibbitybabbityfoo! You are now a plastic showroom dummy. Female. I wish that there was a compression format that could compress music down to 1 kilobyte per hour, with no loss of sound quality.
JimminyCricket You find that all the music is compressed on to your (are you an Apple person? I hope not) device. Tunes you wish you had never had the misfortune of hearing drone in your ear, one after another. "My God", you say, "I am a grower not a shower", quite why you say that, no-one understands as it has no relevance, but you said it anyway. It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday. Oh God, you are in eternal hell. I wish I could make a good night last longer and a bad day fly by.
Bazinga! Every moment of enjoyment is halted. Literally. The more you enjoy a moment the slower it goes until it barely inches forwards. You're unable to communicate with others, their words are so slow that you lose interest before their first breath. Good nights become rarer and rarer, and when they do happen, they quickly transform into bad days. During those 'bad days' time picks up, impossibly so. Bad days become bad weeks, bad weeks, months, and months decades until one day when your hair wouldn't quite cooperate, you speed to your death. I wish every conflict on earth was resolved through rock, paper, scissors.
With your wish, every gun, tank and any militarised vehicle is removed from the earth, reducing CO2 emissions massively. However, massive amounts of engineers and soldiers are now jobless, and the economy crashes. I wish I had my own publishing company.
Shangalangaboomabada!!!! Slush pile. Need I say more? I wish that we were still in a great age of adventure.
So do I, I am sure all these thousands of years of evolution were not intended for sitting at a fucking computer every day. This is not what this body and mind were made for, and it feels like a slow death... Sorry on with the game. An arrow enters your chest, this is not the adventure you were seeking. I wish the plant in the corner of my living room looked more alive.
Szidistodofan! You find yourself in the reality of a well known John Wyndham novel. Without an anti-triffid gun. I wish for three more wishes.
SPING! You now have three more wishes. And there they sit. Doing nothing. Unemployed. Because you didn't specify to them what they should be. Unemployed wishes. They Haunt You. I wish all the leaves in my yard were raked up and neatly packed in the yard recycling bags, ready to be picked up. Magically. Without me having to do it all.
Done. Invisible elven slaves have done this through back-breaking labor. They form a union and protest against the UN, who has you tried for crimes against humanity. You are sentenced to jail. I wish I was a voice actor in a famous TV show.
Fadoosh! You are. however, that's all you are. A brain in a jar with some vocal cords attached. Only brought out to record new dialogue, you are otherwise kept in the back of the writers car as a cup holder. I wish I could be a super-villain.
FOOM! You are now a super-villain. Unfortunately, your super-villain-ness attracts, you guessed it, a super-hero. You two fight and you loose. Welcome to grave. I wish I could write faster than I do (current speed: snail speed).
Magic 8 Ball says, Make it So Your fingers fall off in a freak supermarket accident involving getting a free sample. I wish the Goblin King will not take you away right now.
