Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Well, my work is doing my head in:
Work: Do this.
Me:Okay. *I do it* Done it now what shall I do?
Work:*sighs* Do more of it over there. It's easy really, work out what to do next yourself.
Me:*does more* Alright, I've finished that. I'll do the same over there. *Does a bit more* *goes off to do even more in another section*
Work: No! I didn't tell you to do that! Do this new thing over here.
Me:But I don't know how to do that.
Work:*Sighs* Fine, I'll show you.
And so on.
So yes, that's my work. No banter, no conversations, no nothing. It's mind numbing work (stacking shelves, labelling, etc.) and if I ask questions my head gets bitten off but if I try to work on my own I get told that's wrong. My brain already isn't doing well and it was August when I was diagnosed and referred to a new place but have I actually got there yet? Nope. I'm on yet another waiting list. It's been three months!
@big soft moose I'm glad the NHS is doing something for you. I hope the pills and/or the counselling works and I hope your 'muse' comes back soon

 

OK, I need some serious help here.

Basically, the elections here have driven me to the point of insanity. To wit: I'm so pissed off at my country right now, so pissed off at my -- at those people who voted Trump in that I don't even want to associate myself with them. As far as I'm concerned, they killed America. They killed us as a nation, as a people by voting Trump into office. It's like the Republicans and most of the loudmouths who voted for him are goddamned determined to drag us back to the 1950s while the rest of the world marches on to the future. Our country is literally being destroyed by old asshats who can't accept that their childhood isn't coming back anymore. NO! SORRY! WE DON'T WANT TO FUCKING GO BACK TO THE 1950s YOU PIECES OF OLD SHITS!! GO DIE OF OLD AGE ALREADY!!!!

I'm done. I'm fucking done. I don't have the money to move to Canada -- and even if I did, they probably wouldn't want me because the Canadians on Facebook made it crystal clear they wanted Americans to stay away, that they didn't want them. I could move to the UK, but I'm not sure how they feel about immigrants.

And that's not including the problems with the rest of the world.

It's... I keep thinking World War III is inevitable and you know what? I'm at peace with that. If it's our fate to be obliterated by nuclear hellfire, then maybe that's what we disgusting, miserable, grotesquely-shaped apes deserve.

I am this close to becoming a full-blown alcoholic. A fucking alcoholic! And after all the progress I've made.

God damn this motherfucking, cocksucking shit!!!

 

Don't punish yourself because of this set back. Fight back. Donate to groups that will stand against him. Donate your time to speaking out against him. Don't go down without a fight. Turn that anger from destructive to productive. Together, we can move mountains.

 

@Link the Writer

You've used some pretty mysoginistic, homophobic words there. That doesn't sound like you at all.

 

If anything else, I sounded ageist (someone who discriminates base on age). Also, sorry, I went a bit nuts there. I'm all right now, though I'm gonna have to lay off of my usual one-beer night routine. :/

 

Aye, I felt bad about being in my *cough* sprightly forties and the prospect of the attitudes that apply to where I'm heading. Would a young Trump have been better?

 

Also incestiphobic (not a thing yet but just wait...)

 

I had a mental breakdown a few days ago. Quit taking my meds months ago. Suicidal thoughts again, but hey... what can you do? Smoke a damn cigar and suck it up I guess...

 

If it makes you feel any better, you can always start to do something to help the people who were let down by the Democrats (the poor, the downtrodden, the working class in essence) and voted Trump. Volunteer. Donate. If some stupid law is about to be passed, join a demonstration (that might help, I think? While demonstrations you have going on right now aren't unfortunately going to make Trump go away because of the way democracy and elections work in the West...).

And if you want to move away, come to Finland. We aren't snooty, we'll have you. The weather's pretty bad, though, it's cold and dark most of the year, and it's kind of expensive here, but at least no Trump!

 

Previous Psychologist: You have autism spectrum disorder previously misdiagnosed as anxiety disorders.

New Psychologist: I think you have an anxiety issue being misdiagnosed as autism spectrum disorder.


Well.....one of you guys have to be right.


We still have to wait for the 2nd guys actual report but that`s more or less what he said he thought it was.

 

Could be both?

 

My self esteem has taken a huge hit over the last couple days (weeks?).

After I stepped down at work, my manager drastically cut my hours. I'm down to two days a week. There's only one person in the store with fewer hours than me. Now, my logical mind is telling me that she knows I don't need the money and that I'd prefer she cut my hours over someone else. But my irrational mind feels slighted. Like maybe she just doesn't value me as an employee anymore so she doesn't need me to work as often. I'm not sure which is true.

I also got my hair colored last week. It's a pretty drastic change. I went from light brown/dirty blonde to almost black with a hint of red. I colored it on Wednesday, specifically so that when I went to work on Thursday, my "friends" would see it. However, no one that opened with me said anything. Four other people in the building with me, all women, and they didn't say anything. For some reason, that really stung. I expect friends to say something when they notice something new about the other person. And they didn't. The people I'm closest with did when they came in a couple hours later. But the others didn't. I just thought we were closer than that.

And recently, people have been changing the subject any time I talk. I say one sentence, kind of a prologue, if you will. But before I can get into the story, the other person starts talking about themselves, on a subject that is completely unrelated to what I was saying. Makes me feel like maybe they don't care what I have to say. Like maybe I just need to shut up and stop trying to bond with them because they aren't interested.

Now my sister is back in the states (she lived overseas for four years). And I can't be there. My step sisters all get to see her and hug her and cuddle her babies. And I'm here.. hundreds of miles away, looking at photos on Facebook of how happy they all are together. I know it's silly, but I feel left out. Like they've forgotten about me. Like I'm no longer part of the family.

I can admit that most of this is probably of my own creation. My anxiety mind fabricating stories that simply aren't true. Doesn't stop me from hurting though. Doesn't stop me from feeling alone and invisible.

I don't have therapy for another two weeks. Hopefully I can hang on until then.

 

We see you, Lea. FWIW your writing is some of the most enjoyable on the site, for me.

 

I went to three professionals (one terrible one, a good one, and two women that worked together that were good), got diagnosed (at about nine or ten) and still my GP insisted they were all wrong. I was just a peculiar badly behaved child. It's all down to opinion really as the lines can be hard to define. @ChickenFreak may be right, it could be both.

And I'm sending you hugs Lea I hope things change.

 

Thanks dear. At least I know I have friends here!

 

Ok, seriously guys, a word on reporting a post:

When there is an offensive post, DON'T ENGAGE THE POST.

And for pity's sake DON'T QUOTE THE OFFENDING POST.

When you do this, it makes it impossible to deal with the situation without having to delete subsequent conversation at the risk of then getting into a tangle with someone who wasn't the original offender. No one wants that. Have some pity ON ME, ffs, when it comes to dealing with these members. Try to think about the fact that I have a life away from here, things to deal with, groceries to buy, a dog to bathe, a house to care for, before you create a mess that I have to spend time trying to decide what to remove and what to leave.

 

Found out that I likely suffer from seasonal affective disorder today. Explains a lot about me in the past three years.

 

So I was watching Survivor last night. And this guy on there, David, has severe fear and anxiety. When he first started the show, every single thing freaked him out: bugs, swimming, fires, everything.

But over time, he's starting to get better. And in last night's episode, he talked about it. He said he went on the show because he wanted to challenge himself, to fix himself. And something he said really, really resonated with me.

He said that, throughout his life, he'd developed an extreme fear of dying. But somewhere along the way, it morphed into a fear of living.

And that's so true for me, and I'm sure for many others like me. I've turned down so many opportunities because I was afraid. I didn't go snorkeling in Mexico because I worried I'd get eaten by a shark. I didn't go on a helicopter ride on my honeymoon because I was afraid it would crash. I didn't go to the top of Pike's Peak in Colorado because I was afraid the car would fall off the mountain.

So many awesome things that I just passed by because of fear. So many things I've missed out on. And I never realized how my simple fear of death has morphed into something so much more sinister.

I'm hoping this realization will help me in the future.

 

My sister is pregnant. Not my real sister. Not my step sister that already has two kids. But my other step sister, the one that's 32 and is in the first real relationship she's had since her boyfriend died when she was 18. We never thought she'd find someone, let alone have a baby. And I'm so happy for her, I really am.

But it's just adding to my depression.

Not only does her being pregnant remind me that I'm not, but it also reminds me how far away from home I am. I'm about to have another niece or nephew -- number six. And I won't be there to see it born. I won't be there to hold it when they bring it home from the hospital. I won't be there to hear its first words or see its first steps. Because I'm here. In Virginia. Miles away from Illinois.

I wanted to move back there by the time I'm 30. That's two years. Two more years I'll be missing out on my nephews and niece growing up. My husband is okay with us moving there. But I've been worrying about it a lot the last few days.

It was really hard for me moving here. I wss away from my friends and family. I didn't know anyone and I didn't know the area. I was depressed for a while. It's why I started therapy. So can I really ask my husband to go through that? Drop his life here and go through what I did? Again, he says he's fine with it. But if he hated it in Illinois, I could never forgive myself.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've been fighting off the sadness the best I can. I don't think anyone around me really understands how truly sad I am. How hard I'm fighting to not cry every day. I cried when she sent me that text saying she was pregnant. I cried when I woke up Thanksgiving morning, knowing I wouldn't be with my family. I cried when my sister posted a photo of her newborn on Facebook who I've never met. My emotions are so close to the surface right now, and I really don't think anyone knows that.

Therapy in a little over a week. I can make it.

 

So I'm just posting this because I wanted to write it...

My daughter is going to be born in ~one week. YIKES! And I'm super emotional over the past few weeks. Don't really know why. I almost feel bi-polar (I'm not). But it's weird to have mood swings like this. I think it's probably stress from school, work, my five-year-old, a pregnant wife, and the idea that there's about to be a baby in my house.

I don't know. I just always feel like I'm playing catch-up. Like no matter how much I do, there's always more to be done. And I understand that's the nature of life, but it's been getting to me recently.

 

Illinois is very, very far from the ocean. I would never want to deprive anyone of that.

 

I'm not a parent, but I would assume your emotions are all over the place because you've fully acknowledged that you're in for a serious lifestyle change. Everything you do in life now needs to be focussed around the existence of your child. I imagine what you're feeling is completely normal, and will probably go away in the coming weeks.

It's almost like an anxiety thing, right? You're only anxious up until the big event happens, not after.

 

Not helping...

 

That's what I'm here for