Chudz Blog 3

Chudz Blog: (Entry 3) Beer Quest – Part 1

(The Scene: Our three misfits have narrowly escaped their earlier dilemma, by barricading themselves inside the tower. And after haranguing them for over an hour, an angry Farmer Jenkins has just pulled away.)

Chudz says: Whew, I thought he’d never leave.

Mr. B. nods in agreement.

CB says: How do we know he’s not sneaking back?

Chudz says: Hmm, good point. Mr. B. can you take a quick peak out the window and make sure, please?

Mr. B. thinks, No way in heck! and shakes his head accordingly.

Chudz says: What? We were just out there not too long ago, and there was no sign of Goldilocks.

Mr. B. frowns and points to the decoy, which is propped against the wall. The decoy is basically a long stick with a life-sized picture of Mr. B’s face secured to one end.

Chudz says: Oh, all right, you big sissy.

Chudz grabs the decoy and starts moving the picture of Mr. B. furtively around the window opening. Less than five seconds later, two holes are neatly punched through the picture’s forehead in rapid succession, followed by the echoing booms of a large caliber rifle. Chudz drops the decoy in surprise.

CB says: Egads!

Mr. B. thinks, I told you so! then sticks his tongue out at Chudz.

Chudz says: Okay, so you may have a point there.

CB asks: Why does she want to kill you, Mr. B.?

Mr. B. rolls his eyes and looks at Chudz expectantly.

Chudz says: Sure thing, buddy. Well, CB, it’s like this. Goldilocks was breaking and entering into numerous bears’ homes: eating their food, messing up their beds, stealing their stereos, etc. And the police couldn’t do anything about it. So, Mr. B. and his two roommates decided they’d be ready for her. They made some fresh porridge, stirred in liberal amounts of Ex-lax, and left the steaming bowls on the kitchen table. They also made their beds, and emptied some of their flea circus onto each one. And then they went up into the hills out back, with binoculars and their cordless phone. So, they eventually saw good ol’ Goldilocks jimmy the lock on their back door and sneak in, and that’s when they called the Feds. Twenty minutes later, the place was stormed by Federal Marshals, who found Goldilocks scratching away on the crapper, and took her into custody. Mr. B. and his buddies got a reward, since she was on the “Most Wanted” list, and she was sentenced to hard time. Unfortunately, she escaped about two years later, and turned Mr. B’s roommates into bearskin rugs, and is now after him. Talk about one psychotic, little *Beep!*

CB says: Wow, you’re not kidding.

Chudz says: Yep, so anyone else want a beer?

Mr. B. raises his paw.

CB says: Um, aren’t we out?

Chudz and Mr. B. look at each other, their eyes going wide.


(The scene fades as the viewpoint shifts to the outside of the tower, and we hear agonized cries and a mournful bellowing issuing forth.)