Alone...

I find it so funny that in a world with what 8 billion people give or take the ones we don't know about.. That people are getting to the point where we feel we are better off alone. Because it's peaceful.. Now I will just say I like my alone time just as much as the next person. I like to feel at peace and not having to worry about walking on eggshells or being afraid of what might come out of my mouth that might possibly offend someone. For the whole 26 years I have been on this planet trying to carefully execute the perfect sentences and make sure everything lines up with the right moment and I say all the right things.. well as a mom of 2 boys I soon realized that is not the case. at first it was kind of easy. Honestly the newborn stage is probably the easiest. I mean yes there are times when the crying just seems to drag on an on and all you want to do is sleep or even just have a few minutes of silence to refresh your brain. I am also autistic, I can function like what some people would say "normal". but for most people and it's not just with autism anyone whose brain operates on a different frequency. leaving the operator to figure out all the specs, while constantly getting belittled for how we manage to operate. what our likes and dislikes are. and either way they get used against us. people use our vulnerability to their own advantage. take the info and if there's a possibility that we could use it somehow to make ourselves look better. Well from my experience; there are a lot of people who would ride that train all the way home. you hear information is power. and it's amazing that with the power to be able to do good in someone's life and help them, we choose to destroy it. We lose what could be permenant people over temporary feelings. Things that we are scared of losing people, loving people, sharing feelings, sharing people, being alone, being surrounded by fake bitches. the funny thing though we expect everyone to be authentic and choose to be our unauthentic selves! We want to be loved for who we are but refuse to love people for how they are. We talk about toxic relationships and don't always take into account our own toxic actions that made the situation that way to begin with. no-one ever wanted to get with someone just to be miserable in the end. To be in a relationship is supposed to be a good thing, yet we expect to control this other living entity as if they are a barbie doll. and get mad when they can't live up to our expectations. When I was a kid I thought because I read so much that I was this magical being and because I had certain thoughts about certain topics or even about life itself that I automatically knew everything. I set my expectations to high. I thought my future was set in place and it would go exactly as I planned.. I learned the hard way though not everything goes as planned. you can't control the actions of others, only your own.