Cafeteria Thinking

Talking to my daughter about coronavirus, and said something about not being too worried because it's essentially serious only to those with underlying health conditions or elderly. She said, "Dad, how old are you again?" Yikes. So even though I feel fine, work out regularly, and so on, I am in the at-risk group.

I still don't believe it, but it did get me thinking about mortality. As the saying goes, I'm not at the end of the road but I can see it from here; not as much road ahead as I left behind. So, the idea of parting the curtains is no longer some distant abstraction or rare aberration, as it seemed when I was younger. That got me thinking more and more about religions.

I've been interested in such things for most of my life, even took comparative religions and philosophy of religion while getting my BA in philosophy. And for many years I have felt a tug toward the Eastern religions, more or less settling primarily on Taoism. The more I thought about Taoism, the more uncomfortable I became with it as religion. Far as I can tell, there's no divine help in it to pull one along or to give hope when discouraged. It provides a path, and does seem to promise if you stay on that path in good faith, you'll get to the place . . . . but not sure what the place is, or how long it lasts, afterlife, etc.

So my thought was, no, I want a religion that offers hope and answers to prayers. I suppose that would point me back toward the Christianity I was born into. In my sporadic church attendance the idea always seemed to be to be good and try hard, with the underlying premise that we can always trust in mostly hidden Hand pushing and pulling us along.

I like that better. So I thought I'd head back in that direction, maybe.

But then it occurred to me, the question is not "Which one do I like?" As though I'm standing in an existential cafeteria, choosing some of this and some of that.

The question is, "What is true (if anything)?" If Taoism is the way, then it's a matter of hitching up my spiritual trousers and following the sign posts, in hopes of finding my way. If Christianity is the way, then it seems like it would be more hopeful and encouraging. (I know I'm oversimplifying both but I hope the general thought is clearly expressed.)

At this point I have no way of knowing anything, except that what is, is, and my wishful thinking is not likely at all to make any difference, that, presuming I enter the afterlife in some form of self-awareness, my first though is likely to be, "It's not supposed to be like this."

And there is the underlying issue of falling short. Both Lao Tsu and Jesus are purported to have said that not everyone will make it to the promised land. So I'd better get myself in gear. Except I still don't know at all where I'm going.

All I know for sure is that the cafeteria is closed. Was never open, actually. Never existed except as a logical fallacy.