AJ's Top Ten Craziest Quotes: Christianity

http://www.liberalamerica.org/2013/09/28/10-crazy-christian-quotes-you-may-not-have-heard/

This is a transcript of a recent blog entry posted on Liberalamerica.com. As a member of the church for nearly thirty years, I thought I'd share my thoughts on a few of these quotes.

EDIT: Please note that I am not posting these quotes as a direct bash against Christianity as a whole. Quotes such as these are representative of the insanity I grew up on, and I'm posting them simply as a primer for future posts on my life in the church.

1.) “When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell “Stop!” to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. Then recite a portion of the Bible or sing a hymn.” –Mormon Guide to Self-Control

This is absolute nonsense. Believe it or not, masterbation is one of the few topics that the Bible never mentions. That's right! The act is never specifically condoned nor condemned. Biblically speaking it's what you think about, not what you do that constitutes the sin. In other words, it's the lustful thoughts that accompany the act, not the act itself. In my honest opinion, masterbation is a perfectly healthy, and natural act -- repressing the urge to this degree will actually lead you INTO sexual sin, not out of it. FACT: The longer one goes without fulfilling sexual desire, the frequency of lustful thoughts entering their mind increases. I believe that if humans were truly created in God's image, then he created them with the desire to masterbate. The fact that he does not mention it specifically leads me to believe that he doesn't take issue with it.

2.) “We don’t have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand.” –James Watt, Secretary of the Interior during the Reagan years.

Honestly? "Jesus is coming back at any minute" is an excuse to destroy the planet? Sounds reasonable to me! If I remember correctly, there was a story in the Bible (I forget which book/chapter) wherein a group of men sat about day and night waiting on the rapture. These men were condemned as fools and told to go on with their lives. Jesus said: "For no man knows the day or the hour." He tells us that we aren't supposed to destroy the planet or cease caring about life as a whole simply because His coming may be upon us. It could be now, or it could be a thousand years from now. It's not for US to worry about!

3.) “I called to buy some meth, but I threw it away.” —Rev. Ted Haggard, when details began to emerge about his visits to a male prostitute, in 2006.

This one is proof positive that nine-times-out-of-ten the person behind the pulpit that is calling you a "sinner" every week is a bigger sinner than you.

4.) Our culture is superior. Our culture is superior because our religion is Christianity and that is the truth that makes men free. –Pat Buchanan

Hmmm. Okay, you could argue that because our founding fathers had faith in God that he blessed our country to economic superiority. But you could also argue that the Chinese, who were Buddhists, were also blessed by their deity seeing that they were prosperous long before America was founded. Or what about the Greeks and Romans with their legions of deities? Or the Egyptians? Or the Babylonians? Every period of history has had its economic superpowers and superior cultures. The fact that your country is on top at the moment doesn't necessarily mean anything in the spiritual realm.

5.) “This Christmas I want you to do the most loving thing and I want you to buy each of your children an SKS rifle and 500 rounds of ammunition.” —A speaker at the 1995 convention of the U.S. Taxpayers Party. A few months later, Dobson endorsed their candidate for president, Howard Phillips.

So let me get this straight: as a token of love and appreciation, we are supposed to provide our children with a high-powered implement of death and destruction? Where in the Bible does it say that? I thought in the ten commandments God told us NOT to commit murder. Taking that into consideration, why on earth would your kids need an assault rifle with 500 rounds of ammunition? Who are they planning to kill? And more importantly, Mr. Dobson, who are you asking them to kill?

6.) “Kids today are looking for something to die for… If you give them something to die for, they’ll go to the edge of the earth for you.” —James Dobson’s son Ryan, in 2005. His book, 2Die4 : The Dangerous Truth About Following Christ advocates “murderous war because our enemies are deadly.”

Who says so? I dunno about you, but when I was a kid I sure as hell wasn't actively seeking something to die for! I was seeking a long and prosperous future! Growing up, if someone were to come to me with such a proposal as dying for a cause, I probably would have run the opposite direction.

7.) “The right of holding slaves is clearly established in the Holy Scriptures, both by precept and example.” –R. Furman, Baptist, of South Carolina

This one actually has some validity to it. However, from the context, I believe he is using it as an excuse to promote African-American slavery in America.

8.) “Sex education classes in our public schools are promoting incest.” –Jimmy Swaggart

I just have no words for this one... I can't tell you how many people I've known over the years that took sex-ed in school. NOT ONE of them lusted after their parents or siblings. Do people commit incest? Of course they do. Is sexual education to blame? Of course not!

9.) “Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody’s pseudo-right to worship an idol.” –Rev. Joseph Morecraft, Chalcedon Presbyterian Church, “Biblical Role of Civil Government” speech given 8/31/93 at Biblical Worldview and Christian Education Conference

Where does it say that in the Bible? Yes, the first of the Ten Commandments states "Thou shalt not worship any other God above me." but God also created human beings as creatures of free will. That means you have EVERY right to worship another deity, and it is in fact your government's responsibility to defend that right! Our right to worship freely is not a pseudo-right... It's a God given right.

10.) “When you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation.” –Brice Wellington

This one had me laughing so hard that I was in tears. I knew the Lord for nineteen years while I was active in the church and guess what? I still had a need for masterbation AND intercourse. News flash: Knowing Jesus is not going to kill basic biological urges!